Rashid Darden

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Delta Sigma Theta

AI Tribute to Divine Nine Members

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Happy Thanksgiving!

I enjoy playing around with Artificial Intelligence and illustration from time to time. I was not given the gift of visual art in that way (although I know my way around a camera).

This morning, I created some images that I am pretty happy with. Feel free to share them without alteration.

I was going to release these on the respective founders’ days of the various fraternities and sororities, but let’s be real, I neither have the discipline nor the patience to do that.

Enjoy!

Breaking the Boycott of Sorority Sisters

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My name is Rashid Darden and I am a novelist.  I am also a member of Alpha Phi Alpha Fraternity, Inc.  Acting independently from my fraternity and the members who have chosen to boycott, I plan to exercise my own rights:

I will be watching the remaining episodes of Sorority Sisters this Friday night on VH1 from 9:30pm onward.

As I’ve already stated in an earlier essay, I believe that the backlash from the show stems primarily from the dangerous and alienating respectability politics of black folks.  Since that essay, and since subsequent shows have aired, I have been witness to the devolution of values of the members of fraternities and sororities who are against the show.

I’ve seen women exclaim gleefully that they couldn’t wait for their sisters to be expelled from their organizations.  The cast members of the show have spoken about the death threats they have received, but fraternity and sorority members only said “Well if that were true, the police would be involved.”

Spoken by people who have never been impacted by cyber bullying and harassment.

Perhaps even more insidious than the aggressive attacks against these women is the acts of the bystanders joining the protests.  People joined the boycott because it was the popular thing to do.  I had friends who supported the boycott who admittedly only did so because they don’t like shows which air “dirty laundry.”

I also suspect that there were those who were adamant about supporting the boycott because it positioned them to be quoted in national media as an expert in Greek life, to perhaps boost their sales or notoriety.  Can’t knock the hustle, I guess.

Meanwhile, I have seen a great deal of non-Greeks support the show.  They say to me that they are glad to see that real people are members of these organizations–not just the St. John suit-wearing, mink-flaunting, middle-aged socialites, but real women who have bills and kids and kids’ fathers–just like them.

Behind all of this backlash, some will be suspended.  Yes, some will be expelled, but hopefully not without deep conversations about sweeping codes of conduct and broad codes of ethics. Conversations need to happen about why some members are given the harshest penalties while others skip off into the sunset, saved because of their high positions in their organizations.  Saved because of the political heft of their chapters of initiation.  Why can a man who steals from one chapter be expelled from an entire national fraternity, but a national leader who steals from his entire fraternity is not?  Why justice for some, but not for all?

Let’s be clear: These women are not being punished for the show.  They are being punished for the attention.  Had this been a no-budget YouTube series, this would not have been an issue.

But these are conversations to be had within the organizations.  Perhaps the lessons learned from Sorority Sisters will be the impetus that all organizations need to create policies which recognize and reaffirm that disclosure of one’s membership does not tarnish a century-old legacy.  Indeed, tarnish doesn’t happen overnight.

Perhaps the legacies first began to tarnish when that first person decided that their organization should fund their travel rather than paying for it out of pocket.

Perhaps the legacies first began to tarnish when that first person voted “no” on a candidate because they were suspected to be “funny” or a “confirmed bachelor.”

Perhaps the legacies first began to tarnish when that first person turned their nose up at a young man or young woman who came to college at a nontraditional age.

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Sorority Sisters has not made the public think less of Greek letter organizations.  It has given us, the members of Greek letter organizations, an opportunity to check ourselves.

We are not perfect.  And how we have handled Sorority Sisters reflects our imperfections.  The reaction has saddened me, to be honest, especially in the midst of so much in the world we could be working on.

It’s funny to me how none of the conversations I’ve observed have mentioned how our organizations could get a handle on Sorority Sisters and use a second season of it as a vehicle for changing the culture of Greekdom itself.  Kefla Hare’s (Alpha Phi Alpha) appearance on Road Rules Australia truly made me look at Alpha in a different light when I was in high school.  Before him, I considered Alphas to be arrogant, out of touch, and pompous.  Kefla’s appearance on MTV and his representation of a real Alpha made me reconsider.  Put Kameelah, an AKA who appeared on Real World Boston in that category also.

This generation deserves to see itself in April, Cat, Adrene, Shanna, Priyanka, MeToya, Joy, Lydia, and Veronica, with all of their efforts to be good, to be better, and to be real.  We are not our sisters’ keepers – we are our sisters.  We are our brothers.  Whether they look like we look or act like we act, we are still them and they are still us.

Thank you, Sorority Sisters, for showing us as we really are–on your side of the television and on ours.

Sisterhood Under the Microscope: Respectability, Social Media, and VH1’s “Sorority Sisters”

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Last night, I watched VH1’s Sorority Sisters.  It’s a new reality show following a group of women in Atlanta who are all members of various black sororities.  This summer, a teaser was released and the good respectable black folks of the internet were whipped into a frenzy.  Boycotts ensued and the teaser was removed from Vimeo.

Then, in a surprise move, VH1 announced just last week that Sorority Sisters would indeed be making it to prime time, with the popular Love & Hip-Hop New York as the lead-in.  The good respectable black folks of the internet were shocked–indeed, horrified–to see that their petition had failed despite all their best efforts.  I like reality television so I knew right from the beginning that I would be watching.  VH1 in particular invests in their unscripted programming in ways some of the other networks do not, so hopefully the production values would suggest a strong investment.

The show itself entertained me.  What sets it apart is that I didn’t have to be a housewife, doctor or doctor’s partner, music mogul, or even wealthy to truly connect with the cast. They were all college educated people who were involved in Greek life.  That’s me, too.

I think what makes the show work for me is also why it has frightened so many of the Greeks out there: it is familiar.  It is personal.  It is revealing.

The paper/made debate was brought up as a tangent to the issue of perps.  Is she really a soror?  Is she lying?  Why is she evasive?  Is she real? This is the black Greek culture.  This is not surprising at all–it’s just now in the public sphere.

The struggle to accept white members of BGLOs was on full display.  So was the teasing of the lone Lady Sigma.  This is not new.

I can tell you as a guest blogger for Divine Nine Lover, the aspirants who are in college now already know this culture.  We put it on full display right in front of them.  I know because they ask us all the time “Why should we be discreet when we know everybody’s business already?”

I get it.  I feel them.  That horse is already out of the barn.

And I know my “nieces” and “nephews” will be watching this show and will have more questions, and I’m here for it.  I think perhaps we underestimate this younger generation.  They code-switch well.  They know, generally, what’s appropriate and what’s not, just like with any other reality show.

But what’s bothered me has been the response from my fellow Greeks, even before the first episode dropped.  You had some people outlining how to conduct a boycott of the show’s advertisers.

How the hell you gonna boycott a show you haven’t seen yet when some of your organizations won’t even let you wear letters to protests?

Listen:  I am in favor of any structure which sheds light on the truth.  It is my opinion that Sorority Sisters shows the truth of membership in a Greek letter organization.  It won’t always be pretty and prissy.

Some sorority members have terrible attitudes.  So do some fraternity members.  We are not all Martin Luther King–nor do some of us want to be.

Some sorority members are burlesque performers. And you know what?  Some fraternity members are very successful porn stars.  I am here for it.

Some brothers and sisters are white–and maybe, just maybe when we see Shanna’s story unfold, the members of our orgs who have problems with white members can get over it, and the ones who treat white members like a special accomplishment can get over that, too.

My life as a member of Alpha Phi Alpha has not always been great, and I tell my truth as often as I am able.  When I published my first novel Lazarus in 2005, the reactions from my brothers were mixed.  Only three people in my alumni chapter supported me with a purchase.  I was surrounded by brothers at Howard University and told the founders would be rolling over in their graves because of me.  Another brother blocked my website from the university’s servers.  And even at the Centennial convention, a brother spent twenty minutes telling me how he couldn’t support a novel about gay people.  (But at minute 21, he sho-nuff bought one.)

I say these things not because I am bitter, but because I, too, have been boycotted.  I was Alpha’s inconvenient truth: an openly gay member who was always openly gay who wrote books with gay themes.  Brothers were not feeling that, me, my books, nothing.  No, not all brothers.  Many outside my chapter and outside my area were very supportive and still are.  I made some of the best friends of my life in the frat at that time, because real people attract real people.

But to just say from the very beginning that you won’t support a show about sorority women just for the possibility that it might portray the sororities in a negative light is hypocritical and reeks of respectability politics.

Oh no, can’t show this on TV!

It will embarrass us!

It will make us all look bad!

Sorority Sisters doesn’t make sororities look bad.  It is a reflection (and possibly amplification) of just….life.

Obnoxious.  Sensitive.  Naive.  Sisterly.  Loving.  Evil.  Greedy.  Compassionate.  Wise.  Salt of the earth.  Head in the clouds.

That’s what I saw.

I see the same things when I watch Love and Hip-Hop Atlanta.  Yes, home of Joseline Hernandez and Stevie J and Mimi and the Shower Rod.

You don’t see the sensitivity of Joseline under her coarse exterior?  You don’t feel a kinship with who she is and what she’s been through?  When you see the “Puerto Rican Princess,” don’t you see your own sister?

Maybe that’s the problem.  We’re so busy “othering” the reality stars who didn’t go to college, who didn’t pledge, who are just common and ratchet and therefore beneath us, that we miss their own humanity and our kinship with them as human beings.

No show of this kind will be everything you want it to be.  There will be drama.  There will be larger-than-life personalities.  But please don’t characterize this show as the worst thing to happen to Greekdom.  Fraternities and sororities have far worse problems with which to concern themselves.

 

 

“Sorority Sisters” is here whether you like it or not

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This summer, Greekdom was in an uproar over the reality show “Sorority Sisters” that was threatening to cross over into the pantheon of ratchet reality shows.  It seemed as though Mona Scott Young was attached to the project at that time.  Petitions were circulated asking, begging, and pleading VH1 to not move forward with this.

But it’s here, so get ready.  According to VH1, Mona isn’t even producing this, so I don’t know.

I watch a lot of television.  Like, a lot.  So I’m not going to boycott this particular show when I could be boycotting a whole lot of other ones before it. I’ll watch it and decide if I want to watch a second episode.  But I’ve watched every other Greek-related show out there, so why not this one, too?

Let me know what you think when you’ve seen it.

Harpo, who dese women?

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http://vimeo.com/68784626

It’s funny how the above video has apparently been on Vimeo for 11 months but only just went viral (in my world) this morning.  In the space of an hour, three different friends told me about this video and asked for my comments.

After watching it yourself, I think you can understand that I am not necessarily a fan.  It definitely seemed like an interesting concept, but you can tell there are already some “characters” in the bunch who just want to be famous for the wrong reasons.

If I was going to be Executive Producer for an unscripted show about sorority life, here’s how it would go:

First, I’d call it “Joiners” and I wouldn’t limit it to sororities.

I’d cast an AKA, a Delta, a Link, a Jack and Jill mom, and an OES member.  My hope is that all five women know each other from their community work.  I’d want them to be in their late 30s at least so the world can see that membership really is for life.  And I want different types of orgs so the women can discuss why one might be in more than one.

I’d follow them from September through May as each woman plans their chapter’s major social/philanthropic event for the year.  I’d love some sort of friendly competition among the five, like who can raise the most money with their events.

Of course I’d want to follow them on service projects, conventions, parties, church, etc.

Joiners should be more documentary and less ratchet.  Which means it would only last a season, but at least it could be a season we’d be proud of.

I’d choose DC over Atlanta, but Baltimore or Philadelphia would be just as good.

Anyway, as far as the above project, I can see why it didn’t go anywhere.  The women involved are too young to be interesting, if you ask me, and too old and educated to be ratchet.

What do you think?

Fraternal Friday: When it comes to probates, know when to fold ’em.

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80_512483406995_4569_nToday, the AKAs are coming out at Howard, as are the Ques, and probably a bunch of other folks.  I will be 35 this year — gone are my days of showing up on Howard’s campus just to see probate shows.  It’s a little unseemly to show up for a show to see some guys and girls you don’t know, even if one is an enthusiast of such things.

However, I do anticipate the many Instagram photos and YouTube videos which are sure to fill my newsfeeds in a few hours.  Special shout out to Calilivin09, a former Howard student who did a really good job at documenting all the probate shows/neophyte shows for their entire time there.  We underestimate the importance of documentation of these events, and thanks to the amateur documentarians, we can look, remember, compare, and smile.

The bad thing about YouTube is that for all the great neo shows that we’ve seen, we’ve also seen some pretty bad ones, haven’t we?  The point of my post is not to clown the worst probate shows ever, but to give all of you in Greekdom just a few tips that can prevent you from having a bad coming out show.

Believe it or not, you don’t have to have a probate show.  (Yes, I know they are called New Member Presentations now, but I’m still calling it a Probate.)

Yes, yes, I know on your campus everybody probates.  And I’m sure you’re thinking if your chapter doesn’t probate, you will be seen as wack, cat, skaters, etc.

Who cares?  The fact is your boys or your girls just might not be ready to present a perfect show in enough time.  You might not have enough talented step masters in your chapter to teach them.  Or maybe, just maybe, your organization has too many restrictive rules on probates to make it worthwhile.

You don’t have to explain to the public why you’re not having a probate.  At the end of the day, never put out less than high quality when it comes to presenting your new members.  If you can’t have an A+ probate, have an A+ alternative.

Ever been to a Cotillion?  No, I’m not saying have a cotillion instead of a probate.  But take the basic idea of introducing new members one by one in a formal way to the community and apply it to an event which would work on your campus.

Have a reception or a tea.  Get a multipurpose room on campus, have some nice food, dress up, and introduce your new people.  I bet your administrators and grad chapter would approve.

Looking for something less formal?  Have a crossing party and introduce the new members by letting them stroll into the party.  All you have to do is teach them one stroll.

Wanting to introduce your new members to the campus is valid, and your new members will certainly want to be introduced.  But please ma’am, and please, sir, know your limitations.  Where it’s time or talent or even challenges of finding flattering identical attire, know that a terrible probate will spell a terrible year.

A few years ago, a sorority I’m acquainted with had so many restrictions on probates that all they could really do was have an all-chapter step show.  The entire chapter dressed alike, marched out, stepped, introduced themselves one by one, stepped some more, and strolled out.  It was not only a debut for the new members, but a farewell for the seniors.

If restrictions are a problem, there are alternatives.

This is not a probate:

Nor is this a probate:

And this is not a probate:

Happy probate season, everyone!

The Chapter-publican Manifesto: Membership Selection, Legacy Clauses, and the Whole Shebang

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So, about these chicks and their mothers who are suing Howard University and Alpha Kappa Alpha because they were denied membership into Alpha Chapter.

Actually, I don’t want to talk about them at all.  They suck.

Let us instead talk about being a Chapter-publican.  Among my fraternity, I tell brothers that I am an Alphapublican.  That means I believe that the most important unit in the fraternity is the chapter.  It is the chapter who recruits, retains, and reclaims the membership.  It is the chapter which serves the community.  People join chapters.   Based on the national organization’s legacy, of course, but they still join chapters.  In an area like Washington, DC, or any other large metropolitan area, there are often multiple chapters of the same organization, each with their own personality and culture.

Leadership of the organizations should support the work of the chapters.  People who aspire to be leaders should enjoy the chapter experience – not think about the glory and prestige of being a national, regional, cluster, state, or district officer.

The national headquarters of the organizations should focus on chapter services – giving the chapters what they need in a timely manner to fulfill their obligations of service to the communities.

The chapter is the most important unit.  Not the region.  Not the cluster.  The chapter.  Support the chapters.

As such, I believe that the chapter ought to have the final say in matters of membership selection.  Always.  Even when they are morally or ethically questionable.

First and foremost, every chapter vote ought to be final.  When a chapter comes together to vote on who they want, the organization should trust that they have carefully considered who they want, who qualifies, who will be the best fit, etc.  If you as an organization or an organization leader can’t trust that you have given the chapters the proper tools to make the right selection, then you have already failed them.  Spend your time on training the chapters on how to identify the right candidates.

No one outside of the chapter or higher than the chapter should have the right to change the chapter’s vote in any way.  You know what that means?  No add-ons.  If the chapter has not voted affirmatively on you, then this is the end of the road.  There should be no way at all to appeal a decision of the chapter on matters of membership.  No Region Directors adding people on after the vote.  No parents calling headquarters.  No.  No, no, no.  Bad.

And you know what?  No take-offs.  It wasn’t until very recently that I learned that some organizations have the power to actually remove a man or woman that the chapter has voted on for specious reasons.  Again, if you are empowering the chapter to make the decision to select a line, how is it that one has the time to even check up behind that chapter to “just make sure” they have done everything properly?  Sure, a chapter here and there might assist an applicant in fraudulently gaining entry, such as knowledge that the candidate doesn’t reside in the service area of the chapter, or a letter of recommendation which suggests a deeper knowledge of the candidate than is accurate, but you know what?  Who cares?  The chapter voted yes.  The chapter wants the candidate.

Which leads me to the problem of so-called legacy clauses.  And no, this is not just an Alpha Kappa Alpha problem.  Theirs is just the one you know about.

I am against any policy which bypasses the chapter vote.  I do understand the desire to have a policy which honors the bond between mother and daughter, father and son, or between siblings.  I get it.  I really do.  But this bond should not be at the expense of the sovereignty of the chapter.  

If your daughter is the bee’s knees, then let her shine on her own.  If your son is the top banana, then the chapter will know it.  But you, as their parent, will be biased.  You just will be.  By the time they submit an application, you will have seen their growth over two decades.  You will see how far they have come.  The chapter they are pursuing will only have known then for two or three semesters.  Let them fall in love with your child as you did.

And acknowledge that while we do join organizations, we join them through chapters.  The person must fit in the chapter.  Let your child find out if they fit.  Let the chapter make that determination.  Don’t rob your child of the opportunity to forge their own path.

As Oprah quoted someone else on her show, there is a time for the parent to transition from manager to consultant.  The women involved in this lawsuit never made that transition.  If you are a Greek parent, do your children and your organization a favor:  stay out of the membership process until it’s time for you to pin them or come to their neophyte show.  It’s the best gift you could give them.

And ponder what I mean by becoming a Chapterpublican yourself.  Consider the rights of your chapter, what’s best for your chapter, how your chapter can best serve the community.  Don’t undermine your chapter – or anyone else’s – by robbing them of the right, privilege, and responsibility of selecting new members.

Delta Sigma Theta Centennial – From the Outside Looking In

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My fraternity enjoyed its Centennial Celebration in 2006.  While the celebration had some bumps in its execution, it was by and large a decent event.  We got some good swag (medallion, pin, leather convention bag), some great literature (Centennial Book of Essays and Letters), a huge photo op in a stadium, a concert…. you know, all the stuff that makes for a nice five-day long celebration.

Since that time, I’ve eagerly awaited the Centennials of the remaining black Greek letter organizations of the so-called “Divine Nine.”  None have disappointed me yet.  In 2008, the AKAs set world records with the largest sit-down dinner ever.  I attended a Howard University sponsored-event during the AKA Centennial in which they raised an AKA flag over the campus.  And of course there were fireworks, wax statues, and over 20,000 women all dressed in white.

Then came the Kappas and Ques in 2011.  While I did not travel to Indianapolis to see the Kappas, I saw many photos of the great time they had with their pilgrimage to Indiana University and the world’s largest cake.  And as for the Ques, well of course I was in the mix.  I went down to their host hotel just to stand in the middle of it all and I wasn’t disappointed.  They brotherhood was high, their souvenir journals were hard cover, and their spouses were chatty.

So far, I think each Centennial has reflected the personalities of the organizations.  Delta Sigma Theta was no different.  They did it big for 2013 and this is only the beginning.  Delta Days in the Nation’s Capital and Women’s Suffrage March Re-Enactment are coming up in March, and the 51st National Convention is coming in July.

Below, you will find a collection of photos and videos I was able to collect from the weekend of official and unofficial events as documented through social media.  Even if you weren’t in the thick of things, you certainly couldn’t escape Delta Sigma Theta Founders Day Weekend 2013 or even the weeks leading up to it.

First, the Deltas had a float in the 2013 Rose Parade in Pasadena, California.  KTLA’s Gayle Anderson had a lively interview with the volunteers who helped make the float possible.

And here is HGTV’s coverage of the Delta float:

And here is the NBC coverage. I got a kick out of “Sami Brady” and Al Roker announcing the float:


Later that evening, Delta had a star-studded Hollywood Gala.  The Federal City Alumnae Chapter has an album of those pictures on their facebook page, but I couldn’t resist sharing this photo of my fraternity brother Tim Reid and his Delta wife Daphne Maxwell-Reid.

Photo by Federal City Alumnae Chapter
Photo by Federal City Alumnae Chapter

 

A few days later, Deltas descended on New York City to participate in the various morning shows.  I don’t normally even turn on the television that early, but I was glad I did.   Here’s Al Roker again.  (He’s an honorary Sigma, by the way.)

The next day was the first official day of the weekend celebration. It was Howard University Day, and the Deltas not only convened on the campus to celebrate, but to give and to serve. The “Deltas for Howard” group donated a total of $50,000 for the university and 22 distinct service projects were conducted all over the city. The concept of a new stained glass window in Rankin Chapel was revealed to the members, and Centennial Chair Gwendolyn Boyd said it would be the first stained glass window in the chapel to depict faces of African American women. Howard University Day concluded with the singing of the Sweetheart Song around the Fortitude Statue in “The Valley.”

Local media was on top of things, as Delta Allison Seymour interviewed Gwendolyn Boyd for Fox 5.

Other events took place in DC as chapters had mini-reunions and the national organization sponsored a sisterhood luncheon and an awards dinner.  But, as they used to say, “The nighttime is for sisterhood.”  The Valley was once again ablaze as thousands of Deltas descended upon Fortitude to ring in the new Delta year.


Needless to say, it was bananas out there.

The next day, the official activities included a marathon Ecumenical Service and a Founders Day Dinner which included pre-recorded greetings from Barack Obama as well as surprise musical guest Eric Benet.

Elsewhere in the news:

On Sunday morning, Delta Melissa Harris-Perry closed her show with a tribute to the sorority, in which she revealed she had been chapter president.

The Washington Post reported on the Centennial.

And the Detroit Free Press gave a shout out to Alpha Chapter President Erin Keith.

If you want to see the Centennial Founders Day activities from the point of view of the members that lived it, just type in #dst100 on Twitter, Tumblr, or Instagram.  It seems as though social media is advancing exponentially with each passing Divine Nine Centennial, and I’m grateful for it.

And now I leave you with Deltas on the Metro: