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Fraternal Friday: You want to put that hot sauce where?

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Tabasco

Last week, the Alphas at University of Tennessee were kicked off campus until 2016 for some pretty ill allegations.  Here are the receipts for those of you (like me) who need the salacious details like to understand how disciplinary investigations work.

To be honest, I don’t want to talk about what my brothers are accused of specifically.  When these stories get out, it becomes all-too-easy to play pile-on with not only the undergrads, but the entire generation.

OMG THEY NEED TO STOP ALL THIS HAZING

OMG THIS WHOLE GENERATION IS KILLING THE FRAT

OMG THEY MAKIN UP NEW SHIT NOW!  WE NEEEEEVER DID THAT

OMGWTFBBQ

So here’s the thing…. I will be 35 years old on June 25.  I am not a young man.  The practice of putting hot sauce on your privates as a stage in the pledge process is not new.  I first heard about it as an undergraduate which was over 15 years ago now.  There is a name for the practice and there is a reason for the practice.  It’s not a mindless thing that somebody made up out of the blue.

It is, however, very reckless and unnecessary for the training of potential members into a fraternity.  So if you’re reading this and you’re doing this to your pledges, please stop.  And if you’re not, don’t start.

But again, this practice existed fifteen years ago.  It bothers me when older fraternity members don’t think critically about how culture works.  Just because you didn’t do it doesn’t mean it wasn’t going on.  “The Process” has never been one monolithic experience.  When it comes to unofficial, underground pledge processes, they vary from totally hands-off pledging experiences which are uplifting and educational, to cruel and meaningless hazing practices and probate show practice.

Most fall somewhere in the middle.

I believe that most undergraduates who participate in underground processes are well-meaning young men and women who yearn for a deep connection to…something.  Maybe it’s to the ancestors, or to ideals, or just to a legacy they can be part of.  We (collectively) hype fraternity and sorority membership to be a transformative experience.   And for decades, “The Process” was the catalyst for the transformation.

But as “The Process” changed and laws against hazing changed, the official intake processes had to change as well, forcing deeper underground the already illegal practices that chapters were engaging in.

Let’s be clear:  there has always been an “underground” even when pledging was “above-ground.”  Every chapter had its own traditions and practices.  Everyone wasn’t putting hot sauce on genitals, but some people were getting peanut butter perms while others were getting shot in the face with water guns.

And men and women endured because the benefits to joining a BGLO are real and tangible, and for many, it was worthwhile socially and professionally.

But that’s really outside my overall point, which is that undergrads are being vilified nationally because they are being caught engaging in practices which are often as old as the chapters themselves.  Something about that doesn’t sit right with me.

Maybe it’s because my brothers and sisters haven’t accepted that there is no singular underground process with a syllabus, objectives, standards, and reading list.

When you go underground, that is a local decision.  You do it because you want to be transformed.  When the mask comes off at the probate show, you want to have earned that new name.  I get that.

But I wish they didn’t feel that way.  And I wish the chapter members (and alumni) giving them the underground process didn’t feel as though they had to.  This is a generational curse that perhaps no amount of revamping of the official process can solve.

I do know that vilifying an entire generation of those who have chosen to be hazed won’t solve anything and won’t mend any rifts between the young and old.  It’s going to take a lot of compassion and listening to solve this complex problem.

 

Fraternal Friday: Will a Transgender aspirant ever be initiated?

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yes-word

And you will deal.

When I first thought about this topic for Fraternal Fridays, I thought it was going to be a long, eloquent, passionate defense of the transgender community.  I thought I’d be citing all types of articles and real life people who should be members of a fraternity or sorority, but seemingly cannot because they are trans.

But why make a fetishistic statement of this blog entry by peppering it with pictures of trans folks who are hot right now?  That’s not the point.

My point is that I am a cisgender fraternity man who will judge a transgender applicant on the same merits as any other applicant.  A man is a man and I don’t care to check for the receipts.

Yes, it’s going to be a very hard road for transgender applicants.  Transphobia is real out here and there will be many denials before the first yes.  But I have faith in the undergraduates of today and tomorrow.  It has always been the undergraduate chapters who have been on the leading edge of social justice issues in the Greek community.  I don’t expect some old fogey alumni chapter to do the right thing.  The undergrads can and the undergrads will.

To my trans folks… it might take a while, and it might not be you, but it will happen.  Your bystanders are becoming your allies.  We will get there.

Throwback Thursday: Social Probation

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Que3
Lampados Pledge Club (Omega Psi Phi) at Wilberforce

 

In this excerpt from Lazarus, I write about one of the occasions the Beta pledges were on line and had to navigate the campus while on strict social probation.  Enjoy.

After having purchased extra white shirts and black slacks for our line brothers, Ed and I stepped off of the bus and paused at the front gates. We were both dressed identically, from shoes to shirts, and even our thick winter coats happened to be black.

“How are you feeling?” Ed whispered.

“Fine,” I said. “Let’s do this.”

Our book bags on our backs, and shopping bags in our hands, we walked side by side through the campus. Our goal was to meet our line brothers in the smaller of our two cafeterias and have lunch together before we split up for class.

As we walked through the diagonal red brick path toward the heart of campus, my heartbeat sped up. Dozens of white kids passed us by, without so much as a second look. It could have been that our stoic faces disturbed them, but it was also highly likely that they did not notice us. We willed ourselves to be invisible so that we would not be forced to ignore our friends.

I noticed that our pace was quicker than it would have been had we not been pledges. Only about a minute had passed, and we were already walking through The Square, the symbolic center of campus as well as the busiest place at midday. We were nearly through The Square when someone called out for Ed.

“Ayo, Ed!” the male voice called. I resisted the urge to turn to Ed, and we walked on.

“Ed!” the man called again. We continued to walk, not daring to break social probation. The sharp voice cut through the winter air like a blade, for as busy as it was, The Square was still relatively quiet. I could sense Ed tensing up, but we walked on.

“Hey Ed, I know you hear me!”

I prayed that whoever was calling Ed would not try to confront him right there in front of everyone. It just would not do to have an argument in the middle of campus on our first real day of pledging.

We stepped up our pace and finally were clear from the center of campus. We only had two more buildings to pass before we reached the cafeteria. There were more people of color walking on this side of campus, but fortunately, we did not know most of them. Several smiled or nodded, which we could handle with a small smirk or nod back.

Every now and then, I touched my collar to make sure my pledge pin was still there. The golden disc with the burgundy letter P was smaller than a dime, and we all were paranoid about losing them since we had to wear them at all times.

We reached the cafeteria and got in the longish line to have our identification cards swiped through the card reader so that we could eat. Ed and I surveyed the dining area and saw Calen and Micah already seated at a square table near the rear of the room. We made eye contact with each other, and they rose to begin getting their food.

Kathy, the middle-aged lady who swiped the cards took one look at me and Ed and knew our story.

“Oh my God!” She quietly exclaimed as she held my card in her hand. “Y’all are pledging, too?”

She smiled as we looked at each other, unsure of what to do.

“Well, babies,” she began. “I know y’all can’t talk to me, but don’t worry about it. You just do your thing. It’ll all be over soon enough.”

We couldn’t help but to smile at Kathy, as she was the first person to really wish us good luck in the process.

“Yeah, babies,” she said as she swiped Ed’s card through the reader. “I seen a lot of young men – and ladies – be on line throughout the years. Y’all will be just fine.”

 

***

If you liked what you read and want to know what happens next, please purchase Lazarus today!

Fraternal Friday: When it comes to probates, know when to fold ’em.

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80_512483406995_4569_nToday, the AKAs are coming out at Howard, as are the Ques, and probably a bunch of other folks.  I will be 35 this year — gone are my days of showing up on Howard’s campus just to see probate shows.  It’s a little unseemly to show up for a show to see some guys and girls you don’t know, even if one is an enthusiast of such things.

However, I do anticipate the many Instagram photos and YouTube videos which are sure to fill my newsfeeds in a few hours.  Special shout out to Calilivin09, a former Howard student who did a really good job at documenting all the probate shows/neophyte shows for their entire time there.  We underestimate the importance of documentation of these events, and thanks to the amateur documentarians, we can look, remember, compare, and smile.

The bad thing about YouTube is that for all the great neo shows that we’ve seen, we’ve also seen some pretty bad ones, haven’t we?  The point of my post is not to clown the worst probate shows ever, but to give all of you in Greekdom just a few tips that can prevent you from having a bad coming out show.

Believe it or not, you don’t have to have a probate show.  (Yes, I know they are called New Member Presentations now, but I’m still calling it a Probate.)

Yes, yes, I know on your campus everybody probates.  And I’m sure you’re thinking if your chapter doesn’t probate, you will be seen as wack, cat, skaters, etc.

Who cares?  The fact is your boys or your girls just might not be ready to present a perfect show in enough time.  You might not have enough talented step masters in your chapter to teach them.  Or maybe, just maybe, your organization has too many restrictive rules on probates to make it worthwhile.

You don’t have to explain to the public why you’re not having a probate.  At the end of the day, never put out less than high quality when it comes to presenting your new members.  If you can’t have an A+ probate, have an A+ alternative.

Ever been to a Cotillion?  No, I’m not saying have a cotillion instead of a probate.  But take the basic idea of introducing new members one by one in a formal way to the community and apply it to an event which would work on your campus.

Have a reception or a tea.  Get a multipurpose room on campus, have some nice food, dress up, and introduce your new people.  I bet your administrators and grad chapter would approve.

Looking for something less formal?  Have a crossing party and introduce the new members by letting them stroll into the party.  All you have to do is teach them one stroll.

Wanting to introduce your new members to the campus is valid, and your new members will certainly want to be introduced.  But please ma’am, and please, sir, know your limitations.  Where it’s time or talent or even challenges of finding flattering identical attire, know that a terrible probate will spell a terrible year.

A few years ago, a sorority I’m acquainted with had so many restrictions on probates that all they could really do was have an all-chapter step show.  The entire chapter dressed alike, marched out, stepped, introduced themselves one by one, stepped some more, and strolled out.  It was not only a debut for the new members, but a farewell for the seniors.

If restrictions are a problem, there are alternatives.

This is not a probate:

Nor is this a probate:

And this is not a probate:

Happy probate season, everyone!

The Chapter-publican Manifesto: Membership Selection, Legacy Clauses, and the Whole Shebang

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So, about these chicks and their mothers who are suing Howard University and Alpha Kappa Alpha because they were denied membership into Alpha Chapter.

Actually, I don’t want to talk about them at all.  They suck.

Let us instead talk about being a Chapter-publican.  Among my fraternity, I tell brothers that I am an Alphapublican.  That means I believe that the most important unit in the fraternity is the chapter.  It is the chapter who recruits, retains, and reclaims the membership.  It is the chapter which serves the community.  People join chapters.   Based on the national organization’s legacy, of course, but they still join chapters.  In an area like Washington, DC, or any other large metropolitan area, there are often multiple chapters of the same organization, each with their own personality and culture.

Leadership of the organizations should support the work of the chapters.  People who aspire to be leaders should enjoy the chapter experience – not think about the glory and prestige of being a national, regional, cluster, state, or district officer.

The national headquarters of the organizations should focus on chapter services – giving the chapters what they need in a timely manner to fulfill their obligations of service to the communities.

The chapter is the most important unit.  Not the region.  Not the cluster.  The chapter.  Support the chapters.

As such, I believe that the chapter ought to have the final say in matters of membership selection.  Always.  Even when they are morally or ethically questionable.

First and foremost, every chapter vote ought to be final.  When a chapter comes together to vote on who they want, the organization should trust that they have carefully considered who they want, who qualifies, who will be the best fit, etc.  If you as an organization or an organization leader can’t trust that you have given the chapters the proper tools to make the right selection, then you have already failed them.  Spend your time on training the chapters on how to identify the right candidates.

No one outside of the chapter or higher than the chapter should have the right to change the chapter’s vote in any way.  You know what that means?  No add-ons.  If the chapter has not voted affirmatively on you, then this is the end of the road.  There should be no way at all to appeal a decision of the chapter on matters of membership.  No Region Directors adding people on after the vote.  No parents calling headquarters.  No.  No, no, no.  Bad.

And you know what?  No take-offs.  It wasn’t until very recently that I learned that some organizations have the power to actually remove a man or woman that the chapter has voted on for specious reasons.  Again, if you are empowering the chapter to make the decision to select a line, how is it that one has the time to even check up behind that chapter to “just make sure” they have done everything properly?  Sure, a chapter here and there might assist an applicant in fraudulently gaining entry, such as knowledge that the candidate doesn’t reside in the service area of the chapter, or a letter of recommendation which suggests a deeper knowledge of the candidate than is accurate, but you know what?  Who cares?  The chapter voted yes.  The chapter wants the candidate.

Which leads me to the problem of so-called legacy clauses.  And no, this is not just an Alpha Kappa Alpha problem.  Theirs is just the one you know about.

I am against any policy which bypasses the chapter vote.  I do understand the desire to have a policy which honors the bond between mother and daughter, father and son, or between siblings.  I get it.  I really do.  But this bond should not be at the expense of the sovereignty of the chapter.  

If your daughter is the bee’s knees, then let her shine on her own.  If your son is the top banana, then the chapter will know it.  But you, as their parent, will be biased.  You just will be.  By the time they submit an application, you will have seen their growth over two decades.  You will see how far they have come.  The chapter they are pursuing will only have known then for two or three semesters.  Let them fall in love with your child as you did.

And acknowledge that while we do join organizations, we join them through chapters.  The person must fit in the chapter.  Let your child find out if they fit.  Let the chapter make that determination.  Don’t rob your child of the opportunity to forge their own path.

As Oprah quoted someone else on her show, there is a time for the parent to transition from manager to consultant.  The women involved in this lawsuit never made that transition.  If you are a Greek parent, do your children and your organization a favor:  stay out of the membership process until it’s time for you to pin them or come to their neophyte show.  It’s the best gift you could give them.

And ponder what I mean by becoming a Chapterpublican yourself.  Consider the rights of your chapter, what’s best for your chapter, how your chapter can best serve the community.  Don’t undermine your chapter – or anyone else’s – by robbing them of the right, privilege, and responsibility of selecting new members.

Where did Lazarus come from?

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1) Where did you get the idea for the series of Lazarus, Covenant, & Epiphany?

2) Did it all come to you in one big idea? Or a little bit at a time, and that’s how it became 3 books.  — Rico W.

 

The story of the Lazarus Trilogy began with a question:  What would happen if the star basketball player got into a relationship with the most popular young man on campus?

That idea became a play that I wrote in 2000 called Behind Closed Doors, and later named Discretion.  It was the story of a slightly different (yet familiar) Adrian Collins who was living with a basketball player named Isaiah, while dealing with mild Post Traumatic Stress Disorder from having been hazed and literally beaten off line from Beta Chi Phi.  (Although he was still initiated into the fraternity, he was viewed as an outcast for being gay.)

In the midst of this story, he falls in love with Isaiah and deals with his ex-boyfriend Carlos, who he lost while pledging.

When the play was finished, I tried to stage a reading, but only my friends Maya (RIP) and Amerie showed up to help out.  On top of that, my mentor at the time, Dennis Williams, said the play was good, but he wanted to know more about Carlos the ex-boyfriend and about the pledging process.

So I made the decision in 2000 to rework this story as a novel, beginning with the fraternity story and saving the love story for a subsequent novel if I still felt like it.  I also decided to postpone writing it until after I finished undergrad.  Incidentally, it was also during this time that my “black vampire” idea was born.

In fall 2001, I began writing the novel called Lazarus.  President’s Day Weekend 2002, it was complete.  I published it in 2005.

Of course, Carlos became Savion and Isaiah only made cameo appearances in Lazarus, so Covenant still had to be written.  It was completed in 2007 and published in 2011.  That novel was quick and easy to write because I already knew how it would turn out.

While writing Covenant, I had ideas for two more novels.  In the end, there were to be four novels, more or less mirroring the four years of college.  If you have read Epiphany, imagine the first two-thirds being novel #3, and the last third being novel #4, plus a story line about Adrian becoming the Dean of the line during his senior year.  But I decided that I was done writing about the fraternity experience.  While interesting to me, I don’t think most people would care about Sigma Chapter anymore after one novel about Adrian’s experience on Uprising and another about his experiences bringing in the Phantoms.

Oh hell, while we’re here, I might as well tell you about what was going to happen on the next line.  So Calen was going to get elected Dean of Pledges, then he was going to have a terrible car accident and have to take a semester off school to recover.  The chapter was going to recruit six guys:

Morris Jordan from Potomac was going to be the Ace.  As you know, he had a previous history with Adrian.  As the Dean, Adrian felt it might not be appropriate for Morris to make the line, given their past, but the chapter liked him so Adrian was outvoted.  After he gets a little….shall we say “sassy” with Adrian, he is given the line name “Cruel Intentions.”

Kyle Sykes, a business student from Rock Creek, was the deuce.  All I know about him is that his personal motto was “greed is good” which landed him the line name “Monopoly.”

Justin Wilson and Jason Wilson were twins attending Potomac.  My notes on them indicate that they were always nervous  so the chapter named them “Paralysis” and “Aphasia.”

The number five was Leon Rogers, a theology student from Rock Creek who is named “Holy Terror” because he turns out to be a homophobe that can’t seem to respect his Dean.

Finally, the number six is Shane O’Neil from Potomac.  Everyone seems to think he a guitar-playing, stoner white boy, but he is actually biracial and struggling to find himself through the fraternity.  Because he is so unique, and some would say strange, he is given the line name “Xenogenesis,” which is not only the prior name of Octavia Butler’s Lilith’s Brood series, but it literally means “the supposed generation of offspring completely and permanently different from the parent.”

Needless to say, a lot was going on with this line, which Adrian named “Crucial Conflicts.”  But in the end, I decided to make Mohammed their Dean to allow Adrian the chance to focus on his national position that he gained at the end of Epiphany and to provide a way for Mohammed to gain the respect of the chapter.  And I didn’t think those things needed to happen “on-page” for them to be believable.

So that’s how Epiphany was written the way it was, with that “extra third” at the end which seemed like a separate story altogether.  At the end, three college novels was enough, and if I was going to continue to write about these beloved characters, they’d have to be young adults removed from the college campus.

Delta Sigma Theta Centennial – From the Outside Looking In

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My fraternity enjoyed its Centennial Celebration in 2006.  While the celebration had some bumps in its execution, it was by and large a decent event.  We got some good swag (medallion, pin, leather convention bag), some great literature (Centennial Book of Essays and Letters), a huge photo op in a stadium, a concert…. you know, all the stuff that makes for a nice five-day long celebration.

Since that time, I’ve eagerly awaited the Centennials of the remaining black Greek letter organizations of the so-called “Divine Nine.”  None have disappointed me yet.  In 2008, the AKAs set world records with the largest sit-down dinner ever.  I attended a Howard University sponsored-event during the AKA Centennial in which they raised an AKA flag over the campus.  And of course there were fireworks, wax statues, and over 20,000 women all dressed in white.

Then came the Kappas and Ques in 2011.  While I did not travel to Indianapolis to see the Kappas, I saw many photos of the great time they had with their pilgrimage to Indiana University and the world’s largest cake.  And as for the Ques, well of course I was in the mix.  I went down to their host hotel just to stand in the middle of it all and I wasn’t disappointed.  They brotherhood was high, their souvenir journals were hard cover, and their spouses were chatty.

So far, I think each Centennial has reflected the personalities of the organizations.  Delta Sigma Theta was no different.  They did it big for 2013 and this is only the beginning.  Delta Days in the Nation’s Capital and Women’s Suffrage March Re-Enactment are coming up in March, and the 51st National Convention is coming in July.

Below, you will find a collection of photos and videos I was able to collect from the weekend of official and unofficial events as documented through social media.  Even if you weren’t in the thick of things, you certainly couldn’t escape Delta Sigma Theta Founders Day Weekend 2013 or even the weeks leading up to it.

First, the Deltas had a float in the 2013 Rose Parade in Pasadena, California.  KTLA’s Gayle Anderson had a lively interview with the volunteers who helped make the float possible.

And here is HGTV’s coverage of the Delta float:

And here is the NBC coverage. I got a kick out of “Sami Brady” and Al Roker announcing the float:


Later that evening, Delta had a star-studded Hollywood Gala.  The Federal City Alumnae Chapter has an album of those pictures on their facebook page, but I couldn’t resist sharing this photo of my fraternity brother Tim Reid and his Delta wife Daphne Maxwell-Reid.

Photo by Federal City Alumnae Chapter
Photo by Federal City Alumnae Chapter

 

A few days later, Deltas descended on New York City to participate in the various morning shows.  I don’t normally even turn on the television that early, but I was glad I did.   Here’s Al Roker again.  (He’s an honorary Sigma, by the way.)

The next day was the first official day of the weekend celebration. It was Howard University Day, and the Deltas not only convened on the campus to celebrate, but to give and to serve. The “Deltas for Howard” group donated a total of $50,000 for the university and 22 distinct service projects were conducted all over the city. The concept of a new stained glass window in Rankin Chapel was revealed to the members, and Centennial Chair Gwendolyn Boyd said it would be the first stained glass window in the chapel to depict faces of African American women. Howard University Day concluded with the singing of the Sweetheart Song around the Fortitude Statue in “The Valley.”

Local media was on top of things, as Delta Allison Seymour interviewed Gwendolyn Boyd for Fox 5.

Other events took place in DC as chapters had mini-reunions and the national organization sponsored a sisterhood luncheon and an awards dinner.  But, as they used to say, “The nighttime is for sisterhood.”  The Valley was once again ablaze as thousands of Deltas descended upon Fortitude to ring in the new Delta year.


Needless to say, it was bananas out there.

The next day, the official activities included a marathon Ecumenical Service and a Founders Day Dinner which included pre-recorded greetings from Barack Obama as well as surprise musical guest Eric Benet.

Elsewhere in the news:

On Sunday morning, Delta Melissa Harris-Perry closed her show with a tribute to the sorority, in which she revealed she had been chapter president.

The Washington Post reported on the Centennial.

And the Detroit Free Press gave a shout out to Alpha Chapter President Erin Keith.

If you want to see the Centennial Founders Day activities from the point of view of the members that lived it, just type in #dst100 on Twitter, Tumblr, or Instagram.  It seems as though social media is advancing exponentially with each passing Divine Nine Centennial, and I’m grateful for it.

And now I leave you with Deltas on the Metro:

Why National Hazing Prevention Day Failed

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“You all know I’m not much for words. I hate public speaking. I panic when I think about our probate show—if we’re still having one, that is. But I want everyone in this room to know a few things.

“First, I have wanted to be a Beta since I was twelve years old. The only teacher I had in middle school who gave a damn about me was a Beta. He was young, fresh out of college and determined to save young black boys in Shaker Heights. He taught English all three years I was there, and he was so successful that they just kept looping him up with the classes.

“Because of him, I knew what to expect out of the process. I knew it wouldn’t be easy. So I stood there and I took it. I took the verbal shit with no problem. I knew it was a game and I could take it. And I took the physical shit, too. I knew that just because I took it didn’t mean I had to be that kind of brother if I crossed.

“But now I see there is no end to it. No matter what, I’m going to do the same things that were done to me. I survived, so why not, right? It’s just the way things are, right?

“I don’t think so. My teacher, Mr. Nelson, taught me better than that. I know that much of what we were going through was wrong and didn’t make any sense. We weren’t getting to know you all like we should—hell, half the things we were learning in set were neither accurate nor universal. What’s the point of learning ‘Excuses’ when every chapter does it differently? What’s the purpose behind these challenges if they are specific to Sigma chapter? It’s like I’m not even pledging Mr. Nelson’s fraternity at all.”

–Rick Brown, Epiphany

***

According to Phi Beta Sigma Fraternity, Inc. and Zeta Phi Beta Sorority, Inc., yesterday (September 6, 2012) was the first annual National Anti-Hazing Awareness Day.  “On National Anti-Hazing Day,” the Sigmas said, “Sigma chapters, Black Greek-lettered organizations and organizations all over are encouraged to host sensitivity training workshops on campuses using the newly developed anti-hazing sensitivity training curriculum material.”

It seems as though the Sigmas have created what they consider to be cutting edge, trailblazing materials to help stop hazing.  They can be found here.   Joining their constitutionally bound brothers, the Zetas came up with Finer Women Don’t Haze.

In press releases posted on each organization’s respective websites, the day was conceived by a coalition of organizations including Sigma Frater Rev. Al Sharpton’s National Action Network.  Curiously, the National Action Network did not seem to post anything on their website or facebook page commemorating this day.

Most Black Greek Letter Organizations have been ardently opposed to brutality against their prospective members from the earliest days of their existence.   Indeed, the 1990s brought in a new era known to most as “MIP” or Membership Intake Process.  MIP among most Greeks outside of the chapter room is a four-letter word, while the word “pledge” remains a slur among the party faithful.

Books have been written about hazing among people of color: Black Haze by Ricky Jones, and of course Lazarus, Covenant, and Epiphany by yours truly.  Obviously, I suggest that you buy them all.

Anyway, I’m just going to put it on out there:  National Anti-Hazing Awareness Day was an abject failure.

I did a search of my facebook friends (as you can imagine, many are Greek), and just two Zetas posted about Anti-Hazing Awareness Day.  No Sigmas on my friends list helped make this effort viral.  No other NPHC organization participated nationally in this event, which may explain why none of my Pan-Hellenic brothers or sisters posted anything.

But that’s not why National Anti-Hazing Awareness Day failed.

It didn’t fail because the coalition’s national theme is the utterly unbrandable “LET’S NOT BEAT THE LIFE OUT OF A BEAUTIFUL LEGACY.”  Nor did it fail because of the questionable administrative support that each effort receives outside of the national elected officers who volunteered to lead the effort.  (And let’s face it, if you are on the national board of a BGLO, you better be about the business of governance, not the administration of a flimsy advocacy effort.)

No, National Anti-Hazing Awareness Day failed because it misses what needs to be the true target of any effort against hazing:

Middle school students.

Degrassi Community School: Haze-Free since 2001

Why middle school?  Because this is an age where many students first experience more ritualized bullying than what they may have experienced in elementary school.  It also may be the first time that young people begin to think of college as a very real opportunity for their futures.

I totally made that up.  But I still believe it.  I am not a social scientist, so I need for the scholars out there to really do research into this.  Or if you’ve done the research already, consider submitting your findings to “Bullying and Hazing: An Interdisciplinary Journal.” Email Hank Nuwer at hnuwer@franklincollege.edu for details.

In order for National Anti-Hazing Awareness Day to have been a success, it needs to look at changing the culture of hazing over a period of time by investing in middle school students, high school students, and the college brothers and sisters.

First, every NPHC organization needs to engage children and families as they navigate their middle school years.  Yes, I know, most BGLOs already have mentoring programs in middle schools.  Well you know what?  Do more.  And do them better.

This article at the National Education Association’s website, written by Peter Lorain, states that “Middle school students are concerned about values, right and wrong, and the behavior and unfair treatment of others. Classroom and school activities should promote this emerging social awareness and concern.”

So, Greek teachers, why not encourage your students to learn about hazing and why it is wrong?  Middle schoolers are smart.  Many will immediately make the connection between bullying and hazing and they will wonder why college students make even dumber mistakes than the bullies in middle school.  And we know that middle school students are already oversaturated with messages about bullying in the first place, so let’s step it up a notch.

NPHC organizations themselves should develop a hazing prevention lesson for the middle school level.  And I don’t mean just for the kids who opted to be in the special programs of our organizations like Guide Right, GEMS, or a beautillion.  I mean really make honest attempts to present a hazing prevention lesson to every middle schooler in your city or town.  It can be done.

By the time these students reach high school, the problem of hazing will already be in the back of their heads.  Therefore, the next thing NPHC organizations must do to stop hazing is for the graduate NPHC chapters in every city and town to present a workshop for graduating seniors and their parents about what to expect when they go to college when it comes to fraternities and sororities.  The consequences of hazing need to be reiterated to them.  Their parents – many of whom will undoubtedly be inactive fraternity and sorority members themselves – will also need a refresher on what is currently allowed and what is not.  How many stories have we heard about the dad who was insistent that his son be made “the right way” only to be horrified that being “made right” now resembles something a lot more like torture at Guantanamo Bay than the pledging scenes we know from School Daze?

Teenagers leaving home for the first time need to know that they don’t have to submit to hazing. The “old school” Greeks back home will respect them more if they refuse to be hazed.  This needs to be said and it needs to be meant.

By the time the student has reached college, NPHC organizations have invested in them from sixth grade to twelfth grade, teaching them about hazing in middle school as a social studies project, welcoming them into their various mentoring programs to teach them positive values, and giving them the facts about hazing as they leave high school.  By this time, we should be invested enough to trust that they will refuse hazing.  Attention then turns to how a chapter can learn activities which are alternatives to hazing.

But first, organizations need to know what exactly is happening on college campuses today.  They need to know precisely what people think constitutes a pledge process these days.  We cannot afford to wait until after the most brutal hazing occurs in order to study it.  We need to know the steps which led to it.  Therefore, Black Greek Letter Organizations must offer full amnesty to those members who step forward in an effort to change the hazing cultures in their chapters.

Did somebody say amnesty??!!!

Yes, I am suggesting that hazers out themselves.  And yes, I am suggesting that NPHC organizations forgive them and let it go, so long as everyone is committed to moving forward.   Our organizations are so focused on doling out the consequences of hazing that the cloak of discretion now obscures even the smallest of warning signs.

Just as bullies are often stereotyped as kids from broken homes with self-esteem issues, “hazing chapters” often seen as lazy, thuggish, ne’er-do-wells.   In all actuality, bullies are often quite smart, articulate, and charismatic – that’s how they get away with it at school all the time.  Knowing this, I’d bet good money that many chapters that have been busted for hazing have won national awards and campus awards and have more than a few members who have been leaders on campus.  Just as we don’t want hazers to “beat the life out of a beautiful legacy” we want to reform and rehabilitate these otherwise good and decent campus leaders who have gotten caught up in a culture they didn’t create and have never been given a way out from.

Yes, let the hazers have a semester when they can come to safe spaces with their chapter advisors, grad chapter presidents, task force members – whoever – so that they can put it out in the open and ask for solutions.  Most hazers know what they’re engaging in isn’t the right way, but they don’t know how to change the culture of their chapter.

We already know the consequences of hazing.   With apologies to True Blood, we all know that hazing is a one way ticket to The True Death – for your own membership and for your chapter’s charter.  We get it.  Hazing is bad.  It can cost you your letters.  In some states, it can cost you your professional license and your freedom.

This is your chapter if you keep hazing.

 

But let’s focus on the brotherhood and the sisterhood by allowing those who want to change the opportunity to do so with a helping hand.  Let’s help our own members understand that they have already been seasoned to be hazers because they survived middle school and high school bullying, but that they can break this cycle if they want to.

Let’s say farewell to these puffed up national initiatives and focus on the fortification of our own communities, starting with the youth and the re-humanization of our college brothers and sisters.  They are our legacy.  Just as we attempt to protect adults from abuse at the hands of other adults, we have to put energy into giving young people the tools they need to make the correct decisions in the first place.

Why we be stealin, yo?

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So friend from undergrad and compatriot in ratchetness asked, regarding “My Country t’is of Thee” and “God Save the Queen,” “Why did we poach the song of the colonizer?”

I don’t have the answer to that.  All I know is that Americans remainded unoriginal for years and years after, and it seeped into Greek Life!

Example #1:  Why the Alpha Phi Omega toast song to the tune of “Alma Mater” which is basically the tune of a whole bunch of school songs, including Cornell:

 

 

 

But here’s something else to blow your mind.  Ever heard this song?

 

Betcha didn’t know:

 

!!!!!!

The Circle

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Bitch, you ain't in the circle

 

Let’s be clear:  I do not watch Basketball Wives.

One of my greatest failings in my life is that I have a hard time maintaining the appropriate boundaries between acquaintances and friends.  This was easier when I was much younger.  I don’t know what happened along the way, but I will try to hammer it out.

In high school, it was much easier learning who your real friends were.  You were either connected by your neighborhood or your previous schools.  For me, experiencing the trauma of a closed junior high school and being forced to start high school in 9th grade rather than 10th led to a great, small cadre of friends early on.  Later, participating in other activities helped me meet new people and gain different friends, like a summer job at the National Library of Medicine, being a cheerleader, or FBLA.  Even though every person I met along the way was not necessarily a friend, there are several who are still in my “circle.”

College changed things, but just a little.  Being black in a mostly white college helped narrow down the field, so to speak.  I was from a black city, went to a black high school, and had black friends.  I knew I would encounter others, but when it came to my circle, I knew (or thought I knew) who it would consist of.  Certainly every black person at Georgetown wasn’t my friend, and there were many non-black people I came to admire, respect, and love.  But from the outset, I knew where I would be welcomed without much explanation, as a black man.*

I later pledged Alpha Phi Omega in an effort to feel more like I was part of the overall Georgetown experience, and I did.  Suddenly, I was connected to all types of people racially, culturally, economically, and more.  I felt not only part of Georgetown, but like I could actually befriend someone of a different culture because we had things in common aside from the accident of living on the same floor in the dorm.

(For more insight into the Georgetown experience during that time period, please pick up my buddy Thomas Chatterton Williams’ Losing My Cool.  Although I was not “in” this memoir, I was present during the time period he writes about and much of it rang true for me.)

All this as a preface… I am basically saying that until I graduated college, it was pretty clear who my friends were and why.  It wasn’t until after college that things got muddled and complicated.

***

I often tell people that I didn’t learn how to curse anyone out until I became a member of Alpha Phi Alpha.

In APO, there were definitely moments when brothers hated each other and got into fights and whatnot.  Indeed, there was a moment when I did a wall-slide (literally!) and broke down into tears after a chapter meeting.  But Alpha was different.

In my chapter of APO, even though you had to earn the chapter’s vote, anyone was allowed to start the process.  There was no “competition” so to speak as much as satisfying the requirements while being liked by the chapter.  Some APO chapters are more competitive, expecting that you “make line” like an NPHC organization, and others are not competitive at all, barely requiring that you do anything.

Alpha, of course, was different.  It was far more expensive, time-consuming, and downright scarier.  You had to constantly prove that this was for you, that this was the right for you, that you could afford it, that you just plain belonged there.  Even though I pursued an alumni chapter, there was always the suspicion that I could be hazed, either the old fashioned way of straight brutality, or in sophisticated, old geezer ways of running errands, menial labor, and other servitude.  Also, needless to say, there was a lot more information to learn:  history, people, poems, projects, etc.  And whether you were in another fraternal organization or not, you sort of just know going in that becoming a member will be an intense experience.

Along the way, you meet others who also want to be down.  Some of them never considered Greek life until one day, the looked up and noticed that all of their friends were in fraternities and they were missing out.  Other people always knew they wanted to be in a fraternity but couldn’t in undergrad because of their grades, expression of sexual orientation, general lameness, or the chapter was on suspension.  And there were people like me, who always wanted to be part of something but took a long time to figure out what.

I love Alpha very much.  And I loved my chapter dearly at one time in my life.  But I believe that forcing people together who wouldn’t ordinarily be friends has done some damage to me that I’m only just now able to start repairing.  And it’s not just Alpha – it’s also APO to a different extent.

I was 23 when I became an Alpha.  My line brothers were 31, 40, and 43.  That’s an alumni chapter for you.  It’s far less likely that you will come in with people in your age group.  Rather than go into the details which would either be boring or too personal, I’ll say that I never clicked with one of my line brothers at all.  He was toxic from the start.  I was close with the other two, but ended up pulling away from them after about a year.  They were nice, generally, and meant well, usually, but for various reasons, I knew my heart wasn’t in our relationship.  It doesn’t give me pride to say I am not close with my line brothers, but I feel it’s necessary to be honest about our relationship.

Subconsciously, I’ve tried to supplant these negative fraternal experiences with my line brothers into positive experiences and new memories with “specials” or “specs” [speshes].  In one case, my spec was someone I sponsored for membership in the Boston alumni chapter.  In two other cases, they were people I took a shine to, but did not sponsor.  In all three cases, I took the young brothers under my wing, taught them everything I knew, confided in them, was hard on them, and at the end, gave them the best crossing gifts ever.  EVER.

But as time goes on, the black t-shirts fade and the paddles get dusty.  Again, rather than bore you (further) or get too personal, just as I realized I had to let go of a relationship with my line brothers, I also have to let go of one with my specials, too.  I can’t expect devotion just because I made them nice things and made fusses about each of them.  Maybe for some of them, they just don’t see our relationship being what I wanted and hoped it could be.

***

I apologize for that interlude.  It seemed sadder than I had hoped and strays far from the ratchetness of the animated gif of Evelyn Lozada up above.

My point:

Being an Alpha has complicated my perception of who is in my circle.

The “line brother” dynamic expects the individual to put the needs of the group ahead of the needs of the self.  This is counter-intuitive to human nature.  How can I expect to take care of the group if my mind, body, and spirit are not already in tip-top shape?  Further, what if I have embraced the mentality of being on-line but my brothers have not?  Having line brothers (or line sisters) is often romanticized as being a phenomenal thing, usually because the adversity and hardship of being on line is supposed to bring you together.  Maybe my line and I didn’t go through enough hardship to truly trust each other.  I can own that.  But to what end is a line brother or line sister relationship if not friendship?  Do we pick our other friends based on bad things happening to us?  Of course not.

It’s also likely that I’ve romanticized what it means to have a special.  I think I tried to codify the friendships I had with brothers when I was on-line into a more official relationship which proclaimed ownership of some sort:

  • You’re my spec.
  • I named you.
  • I chose you.
  • Look at these nice things I gave you.
  • Has anyone else done that for you?
Why do I have to be so weird about this?  Why does this relationship need a name?  Why can’t we just be friends?
***

I don’t have a lot of answers right now but I suppose there’s time to figure it out if I want to.

I know that becoming an Alpha was a choice and paying my dues every year is also a choice, regardless of the circumstances I’m faced with as an active member.  And like I said, I love Alpha and I enjoy Alpha.  And regardless of my complicated relationships with my line brothers and my specials, I still have some awesome friends in the fraternity who don’t need a title.  They number less than ten and they are worth the price of admission.

But I also have to face facts:  being a member of a fraternity forces me into relationships with people I would not ordinarily choose to be around or associated with.  If you are not a fraternity member, you really need to consider this fact before you join.  Your life can be just as enriched without membership in a fraternity if you know how to make friends with people – and know how to be a good friend in the first place.

If you love having a small circle, know that membership is the opposite of that.  Be prepared to either fake it or be known as that evil, surly frat brother that nobody likes.

I feel this will need a Part II because I didn’t even get to touch on the notion of what happens when people who don’t share your values think they’re in your circle.  And that has nothing to do with being in a fraternity.

*As a gay man, it would be two years into my Georgetown experience before I would become comfortable enough to officially be out of the closet to the black community.  Perhaps that warrants another diary entry at a later date. 

Hebrews 13

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  1. Let brotherly love continue.
  2. Do not neglect to show hospitality to strangers, for thereby some have entertained angels unawares.

(From the 13th Chapter of Hebrews, English Standard Version)

In Lazarus, which is my first novel, I discuss in detail the pledge process of the Sigma Chapter of Beta Chi Phi Fraternity, Inc.  Reactions to the fact that it is so detailed have been mixed.  Some people (who are Greek) feel that it is too detailed and I have somehow defiled the sanctity of “The Process.”  Others (who are not Greek) are simply uninterested in the minutia of a pledge process and wish I would focus on the characters more.  Then there is the majority, who get so engrossed in the details of the process that it is entirely fulfilling to them.

Certain mysteries of Greekdom remain by the end of Lazarus though, not the least of which are what sort of ritual secrets the pledges learn when they cross.

In Covenant, we learn one of those secrets: the motto.  Taken from the first verse of Hebrews 13, the secret motto is “Let brotherly love continue.”  It is spoken as part of the opening ceremonies of the chapter meeting.  It is also the backbone of the philosophy of the entire organization, which is fleshed out further in Epiphany.

To the Betas, letting brotherly love continue is their prime directive.  No matter what, the brotherhood must go on.  It is this directive that Craig follows which turns him from virulent homophobe to merely an aggressive prophyte helping Adrian prove his mettle.  We know that in reality, Craig is still a homophobe, but his belief in the motto of the fraternity allows him to at least silence his rage and begin the process of accepting Adrian as he is, where he is.

The motto is exemplified more organically by the majority of Adrian’s line brothers, who in their own way and apart from Adrian, learn to accept his sexuality in spite of what popular opinion may be.  Further, on either side of the spectrum, there are members of the line who do far less than accept Adrian and those who do far more – those who never doubted their brotherly love for Adrian for a second.

What is addressed in Epiphany is the second verse of the chapter.  Regarding hospitality, it admonishes the reader (and in this case, Betas) to show hospitality even to strangers, lest their own divinity be ignored.  A literal reading could take this passage to mean that actual angels could be ascertaining your worth by a test of your hospitality.  A more liberal reading, perhaps that of a Quaker, might suggest that if God is in all of us, then we are disrespecting God by being inhospitable to strangers.

In Epiphany, as an Amazon reviewer states, Adrian finds an element of his own strength through his interactions with other Beta chapters.  It could be argued that these brothers, who for all intents and purposes, are able to recognize the God within each other without having to know each other directly.  They gain camaraderie as well as strength; social ties as well as benefits from these relationships.  They are trained to be hospitable to one another, which further facilitates letting brotherly love continue.

It’s been quite a while since I’ve performed an exegesis – hope my Theology professors are proud!

While Beta Chi Phi is obviously a fictitious fraternity, I wanted to inject what I felt were the important parts of Greekdom into the mythology of this organization.  Brotherly love (and sisterly devotion) should always transcend the bad times, if possible, of course.  I don’t mean merely glossing over the bad times or not addressing drama as it occurs – I mean that the type of people who join an organization should be the ones who have the capacity to transcend.  Even though, as I said above, Craig might not actually be cured of his homophobia, at least he understands that there is decorum which he must adhere to now that Adrian is his brother.  I was not always afforded those same courtesies when my brotherhood learned that I was openly gay.  I was indeed accosted and literally surrounded by members of another chapter for that very reason.  And there was the hate mail I received through my previous website – a reason that I will not allow comments on my diary to this day.

But I’m not a victim, so don’t worry about all that.  There will always be those people for whom brotherly love cannot transcend their own prejudices.  I blame the prophytes.  And in the absence of prophytes, I blame the parents.

Regarding hospitality, I am troubled by those Greeks who do not perform their due diligence at accommodating fellow members of organizations.  Yes, yes, I am that same guy who frequently tells people “I joined Alpha Phi Alpha, not the NPHC.”  But I mean it for different reasons.

When I say we should accommodate our fellow Greeks, I mean that if there is a Sigma that I can consider for an internship, I will consider him.  I like interns.  They don’t have to all be Alphas.

If I see a Greek on the street – any Greek – I am going to acknowledge them, even if they are outside of my council, or even a member of a so-called “white” fraternity or sorority.

If a friend has invited me to a crossing party for their special, I am going to attend if I can or send a greeting or a card if I can’t.

Just be hospitable.  Be nice.  Do for others.  It’s not hard.

I went to a city for a work conference and met with as many friends and acquaintances as I could.  One was a member of another fraternity.  We had other things in common, but I tried my hardest to meet up with this dude and make sure he understood the opportunities for service and professional advancement that I was in town for.  Never met up with him.  Just didn’t happen.  Didn’t ever hear a good explanation, really.

And on the other hand, I met up with another person – an AKA – and even though a partnership never happened between our two jobs, the effort was made to meet up, to be hospitable, to “build” as the hip-hop community might say.  This is what being Greek is all about.  Taking a large network and using it to your benefit – not just because that’s what it’s there for, but because it also ought to be fun.

Obviously, “building” isn’t just for Greeks.  The same theory of being hospitable to “strangers” can and should be utilized across all of your large networks.  If you are a Georgetown alum, you already have commonalities with Duke and Syracuse alums.  Bitter rivalries are for basketball.  Put down the sword and get to work.  Same for Howard and Hampton.  We can do big things here.

Whether you believe in angels or not, you must certainly believe in good karma or paying it forward.  As Hebrews admonishes us to do, make these sacrifices.  Whether you believe they are sacrifices to God or to some personal gain, it can’t hurt to just be hospitable.  I think indifference is a good gateway to spite and I’m definitely trying to have less of that in 2012.

I’m not your steppin’ stone

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I used to love The Monkees.

So tonight, a fellow Alpha Phi Omega brother and I were talking shop as we often do.  He is also a member of Kappa Alpha Psi Fraternity, Inc., so we often discuss Greek life as a whole.  He’s been a Kappa for longer than I have been an Alpha, but we both crossed APO within about a year of each other.  (As a brief side note, a member of his APO chapter at Florida State came to Georgetown and gave birth to our chapter, so there’s a connect there, too.)

We’ve seen a lot in APO over the years, including a sharp increase in the numbers of African Americans who pledge and are initiated.  We think this is a good thing, obviously, because we believe more people of color would enjoy our Brotherhood if they gave it a chance.  But they can’t give it a chance without the proper introduction, and it’s tough for a majority culture to expose APO to a minority culture without coming across as pandering.

With a large increase in African American membership comes an increase in the numbers of APO members who are also in Black Greek Letter Organizations (BGLOs).  There are some, like my buddy, who pledged NPHC first and then APO.  The majority, however, pledge APO first and then become members of NPHC orgs, whether as undergraduates or through alumni chapters, as I did.

This, too, is a good thing.  I believe that if someone has truly been an active member of Alpha Phi Omega and utilized all the resources it has to offer, then they come to BGLOs with a deeper sense of service to humanity than the average prospect.  They should also already know how to run a meeting, how to plan a campus program, and how to coordinate a service project.  Basically, Alpha Phi Omega membership should refine you and prime you for the next logical step after service:  social justice.

Most BGLOs don’t just do service, they actually take an active interest in the uplift of people of color beyond Band-Aid solutions.  As Jamie M. Grant says in her article “Concept of Social Justice Goes Beyond Service:”

Many of us have heard the old saying — give a man a fish and he eats for a day, teach a man to fish and he eats for a lifetime. Some say, well giving a fish is charity, while teaching someone to fish is service.
Social justice leaders react to this proverb differently. We wonder:
Who owns these fish?
Why don't we all have access to them?
Is eating fish sustainable?
Who is this hungry man and what does he have to say about his situation?
And finally, where are the women?

Alpha Phi Omega (sadly, if you ask me) doesn’t often ask these questions in the average course of undergraduate membership.  Those members who are ready to answer those questions as alumni most likely find another avenue, whether it’s through BGLO as I have chosen, or whether it’s through their faith communities, or some other means like donating to an organization who has social justice values.

African Americans who perform service often have an uncommon sense of devotion to social justice.  We are not far removed from Jim Crow; our grandparents not that far removed from slavery.  It makes sense that African American APO members would be interested in BGLOs, and if they weren’t before, APO is often the starting point and connector.

BUT.

Let’s be clear.

Alpha Phi Omega is not a stepping stone toward membership in a BGLO.

Typically, an Alpha Phi Omega chapter will have a service requirement to maintain membership in a collegiate chapter.  Sure, you have to pledge and get service hours (or a certain number of projects) in order to cross.  But you also usually have to pay semesterly dues and maintain ten, twenty, or even thirty hours of service in a semester to maintain active status.

You probably already know that many BGLOs require letters of recommendation as part of the application package.  Not all, but some.  And of those organizations, some require a letter verifying that you have performed community service.

This is the crux of my problem.  An Alpha Phi Omega member may feel empowered to ask their Vice President of Service or project coordinator for a letter of recommendation based on their service in the chapter.  I don’t agree with this.

I don’t believe that service you had to perform as a condition of maintaining your membership in one organization should count toward your membership in another organization, particularly one which may take time away from your APO commitments in the long run.

Can you see how that’s a conflict?  I can’t ethically turn in a paper I wrote in one class for another class and get the same credit.  (Well, maybe I could, but I shouldn’t – the professor has an expectation that the work will be original.)

It also poses a conflict when you actually ask your own brother for the recommendation.  What if the quality of your service actually isn’t all that good?  Then your brother is forced to write a bad recommendation (I have seen this happen) or tell you they won’t write you one at all.  Then it spirals out of control, causes a rift in the chapter, and then it’s freakin’ anarchy.

And let’s not talk about the number of men I’ve met in APO who send me that private message or phone call about wanting to become an Alpha.  How do I know your zeal for APO was genuine?  How do I know you really wanted to get to know me because I am your APO brother alone, and not because you wanted to know if I will sponsor you for membership?

Your pursuit in a BGLO should be discreet.  Not necessarily totally secret, but I think it opens a world of problems when you involve your APO chapter in your pursuit by expecting that they will recommend your for membership.

Keep them separate.  It will make your experience even more special.

So then, you may be asking me what a prospect should do if all their service is through APO.  How can they get a good, personal recommendation any other way?

Well, firstly, all of your service should not be through just APO.  If you want to be an Alpha, for example, and presuming we need that sort of recommendation, then I need to see you transcending the realm of service to approach a philosophy of social justice that is similar to our own.  Cleaning up garbage on the highway is not Alpha.  Cleaning up the garbage from a poor, mostly minority community, setting up a recycling program for kids, teaching their moms and dads about jobs in the green sector – now that’s Alpha.

Your service should be through organizations you’re passionate about.  Yes, you can be passionate about APO, but in that case, APO itself is the endgame.

By passion, I mean a cause you care about enough to devote your time to by yourself, if you have to.  You reach out to that organization, you schedule time to volunteer, and you do it over a period of time.  THEN you ask for a letter of recommendation.

And yes, you might discover that an APO program you already do will suffice.  If that happens, don’t ask a brother to write your recommendation.  Your service should be so profound, so meaningful and impacting, that the executive director or volunteer coordinator of that nonprofit should be glad to write your letter of recommendation.  That is far more impressive than your peer writing your letter.  And it means a potential contact for you professionally, whether you make it or not.

And won’t you be glad that your entire chapter won’t then be in your business?  Discretion will be intact.

These are just my opinions.  Most may not have that strong an opinion because it affects such a small segment of their chapter’s population.  But for me, I will always be an African American brother of APO and an Alpha, so this will probably be something I experience for the rest of my life.

I’m just saying that if you try your pursuit my way, you will maximize your total package and minimize the total drama.  Hopefully.

Alpha Phi Omega is not your steppin’ stone.  But it is there to help you serve and to begin the conversation of social justice.

If you’re searching, then good luck to you!

Edited to add: 

I forgot to mention that there are several notable members of Alpha Phi Omega who are also members of BGLOs:

  • Bill Clinton is an honorary member of Phi Beta Sigma and pledged APO as an undergraduate at Georgetown
  • Melody Barnes was the Director of the Domestic Policy Council under Barack Obama.  She pledged APO and Alpha Kappa Alpha while at the University of North Carolina in Chapel Hill.
  • Former President of Howard University H. Patrick Swygert and former Secretary of the Army Togo West, Jr. are both initiates of Omega Psi Phi, Alpha Chapter and Kappa Psi Chapter, respectively.
  • Current candidate for General President of Alpha Phi Alpha Roderick Smothers pledged APO at Louisiana State.

An update for the facebook and twitter-less

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It’s a beautiful morning here in the nation’s capital and unfortunately I am at home, eating oatmeal and trying to nurse myself back to health after an overnight migraine and subsequent upset stomach.  But I figured it would be a good time to pay some attention to my often neglected diary.

My diary (I have rarely called it a blog) used to be the hot shit back in 2004-2007.  To this day, people ask me why I don’t write in it like I used to.  One brother of Alpha recently gave me the kindest, sweetest text message ever, telling me that he had so much respect for me before he crossed because he kept up with my life through my diary.  That respect carried over when we finally met face to face and became friends.  I honestly either never knew he was a “fan” of my diary, or I didn’t understand then the weight that it held for people.

Now, I get it.

When you’re in a fraternity like Alpha, you will encounter dozens, if not hundreds of men, old and young, who join because of the status they wrongly predict it will bring them.  Yes, being an Alpha carries weight in certain circles.  In DC, I think being a member of an NPHC fraternity or sorority means something to most people of color here, and even among some white people.

But the weight means nothing if you have expectations of it.  It’s sort of like being a Georgetown graduate.  I might say, for shits and giggles, that I went to Georgetown *hair flip* and anything else is beneath me.  But that’s just for fun.  I actually don’t expect any perks from being a Georgetown grad and I am surprised when I get them, be it a closer look in the hiring process for a job, or being able to connect with alumni from our peer institutions more quickly, like Syracuse, Duke, Stanford, and Johns Hopkins.

Being an Alpha, to me, was never about the heft of the honor.  It was about the brotherhood.  In other words:

  • Membership in Alpha is a responsibility: paying dues, showing up for meetings and programs, doing service, going to conventions.
  • Brotherhood in Alpha is a courtesy:  giving someone the benefit of the doubt, a second look, a helping hand.
  • Friendship in Alpha is another matter entirely.

On tomorrow, I will have been an Alpha for nine years.  For most of those years, I have been a member.  I do not feel badly about the years in which I was inactive.  For all of those years, I have been a brother.  And to perhaps less than twenty, or even less than ten Alphas, I have been a friend.

When you’ve been through the things I’ve been through as a member, you tend to keep the circle small.  For the long-term readers of my original site, you will recall the things that fellow members have done to me which were disrespectful and repugnant.  My friends know even more.  But somehow, I always made time to be there for an aspirant or two, as a sponsor, special, or just a friend.  And I’ve been lucky to meet more recent initiates who gravitate toward me when they see me in Alpha-only forums giving some ignorant, homophobic Alpha a good dressing down.  (A read, if you will.)  I suppose they see in me an “I don’t give a fuck” attitude that they find entertaining, or maybe courageous.  I don’t know.  Maybe I will ask.

I know what Alpha says about being active.  I know what I was taught about being active.  And I understand that my presence is missed when I am not around, at least to some, sometimes.  But ultimately, for me, being an Alpha meant being somebody’s brother for the first time – to extend certain courtesies to strangers because I knew we shared the same values, and to perhaps have those courtesies be extended to me.

Over the years, I have made it my point to share news about Black fraternal organizations, positive and negative.  I’ve discussed hazing in particular an awful lot – it made its way into my novels and unfortunately has not subsided over the years.  I’m hoping that one day, Lazarus can be looked at as a relic from the past and our children can read it – with horror – and wonder why generations of black men and women subjected ourselves to the brutality.

But perhaps more importantly, I have also posted about various allegations of wrong-doing on the part of the leadership of African American fraternities and sororities.  Indeed, since the publication of Lazarus, there have been three scandals involving NPHC leaders that I’ve discussed.  I care because I have strong convictions regarding the black fraternal commitment to the public and how we earn the public’s trust.  I will not be shying away from discussing any public allegations which may befall even my own beloved APhiA.

Don’t get me wrong.  I am not Mo’Kelly.  I will not be doing any investigative journalism or original reporting.  But I do believe I need to be fair as a diarist and pundit of fraternal matters.  What’s good for the sorors is good for the frat, even my own.

I will be committed to a tone which is temperate.  I will approach any matter discussed with dignity and in the interest of the public’s trust and faith in our organizations.  We are here to serve them, not each other or ourselves.  I understand the responsibility of my diary: to be authentic in my truth and honest in my opinions.  These truths and opinions were not a deterrent for those interested in Alpha and not distasteful to those who support Alpha.  It has been proven that the brotherhood needs strong dissension – which in and of itself is part of self-examination.  And I do believe the public appreciates us more when we show we’re real people with diverse ideas and strong opinions about ethics and values.

On a final note, my third novel, Epiphany, has a story line which interweaves some of the issues I’ve mentioned above.  There is a chapter advisor whom the boys are not sure has their best interests at heart.  But you’ve got to read it yourself to see in which direction the story is taken.  I think you’ll enjoy it, aside from the great main plot.

So thanks for your support over the years!  Don’t forget that my books are all available through my website, oldgoldsoul.com (which you’re probably reading this entry on), Amazon, and pretty much any bookstore on special order.  My novels are also available on Kindle readers and through Kindle apps – which means you can read my novels on your Kindle, any computer, and even your cell phone.

Have a great day…see y’all around!

Line Names of the Jewels

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On a message board I am on, one of the Brothers of Alpha asked what we thought the founders line names would have been.  Below is my response.

Henry Arthur Callis
1-A-06
“The Phys-ICY-ian”

Charles Henry Chapman
2-A-06
“Lost & Found”

Eugene Kinckle Jones
3-A-06…
“P.S.A.L.M.S.”*

George Biddle Kelley
4-A-06
“Dap”

Nathaniel Allison Murray
5-A-06
“Head of the Class”

Robert Harold Ogle
6-A-06
“Cross Colors”

Vertner Woodson Tandy
7-A-06
“The Blueprint, Vol. 1”

PSALMS = “Please send a last minute substitution”

Happy New Year!

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Hey everyone!  Just a brief note to let you know I am still alive and rejuvenated for 2011!

As many of you know, I ran for a national position in Alpha Phi Omega last week and I did not win.  It was a pretty tough loss.  Even though I’m still sort of young in APO years, I definitely felt as though I was ready for the challenge and had proved it in my experience.  Unfortunately, the Nominating Committee didn’t agree.  I was encouraged to run from the floor (which I initially said I didn’t want to do), but I lost anyway.

I’m definitely not a sore loser.  At the same time, I’ve literally spent years of my life trying to convince more members of color to remain engaged in the work of the fraternity.  To lose to a slate which doesn’t look like me or the many brothers I’ve tried to inspire over the years honestly hurts.

I still love APO, of course, but this one is going to take some time to heal from.

Nevertheless, I enjoyed the convention overall, in spite of the downright disrespectful amounts of construction at the Hyatt Regency Atlanta.  One of the hotel restaurants was closed the whole time we were there, as was the convenient indoor walkway to the food court across the street.  My undergrads had a good time, though, and they won several awards.

The next convention will be in Anaheim in 2012.  I reckon I’ll be there!