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Fraternalism

Fraternal masculinity amid LGBT justice

May 13, 2016 by Rashid

I recently read with great interest my fraternity brother George M. Johnson’s editorial entitled Black, Greek, and Gay? It’s Time for Organizations to Fall In Line, posted on Ebony.com on May 12, 2016.  Special thanks to my sistergreek @thereadingdiva for bringing it to my attention.

There are many parts of Brother Johnson’s piece which I agreed with and other parts which troubled me.  It is my intention to gently rebut his editorial while respecting our bond as fraternity brothers.

I became an Alpha in Spring 2003 through an amazing chapter. I had great sponsors and the majority vote of a chapter who believed in me and loved me as I was, even with my long dreadlocks and bohemian aesthetic.  (I had even earned the alias “Eric Benet” because of that look.)  I knew then that I owed it to myself to be authentic.  If the brothers had a problem with it then surely Alpha would not be the chapter or organization for me.

Two years after I made it, in 2005, my first novel Lazarus was released.  That was the true test:  would the publishing of this fictitious story of a gay black college student pledging a fraternity turn the fraternity against me?

Controversy was minimal and Lazarus performed well.  The success of the novel helped me gain access to even more gay members of my own fraternity as well other members of the gay community throughout Greekdom.  Through Lazarus, I had spoken to the issues that Brother Johnson mentioned: the lying, the fear, the anxiety of being a gay member of a fraternity.  It was not my direct experience, but it was always my concern.  Perhaps I was able to avoid a lot of personal heartache in my fraternity for being a gay man because I had already put my protagonist, Adrian Collins, through what I had imagined could be the worst that could happen.  Adrian’s experience was traumatic.  Mine was not.

Surely I had controversy and I had haters.  I speak on those things when colleges and universities invite me to present lectures.  Those negative experiences may have been fiery, but they were few—just enough to let me know that my fraternal experience would never be roses and rainbows one hundred percent of the time.  Through it all, I have tried to stand as an example for those who might come behind me.  I hope I have been seen.

I believe that Brother Johnson paints Greekdom with a wide brush which perhaps may be unfair to those gay brothers and straight allies who have been fighting from within to make positive changes.  Over the years I have seen a shift among straight members of my own fraternity.  Those who at one time may have been bystanders to overt and covert homophobia, both online and within chapter rooms across the country, have now become upstanders.  They are men who will fight for the gay applicant who is perfect for the organization in every way.  They are men who will curtail gossip about the orientation of various candidates for office.  They are men who speak out in favor of all progressive causes—not just the ones which won’t call into question their own orientations.

I am proud of those brothers for those reasons, and because they have fought for me when I was too tired or unwilling to fight for myself.  Besides, it is not up to gay people to solve homophobia.  That is for the straight brothers to fix.  All I can do is be me, right?

Surely there is more work to be done to shift the culture of Black Greekdom, especially as “white” Greekdom is becoming more in tune with LGBT issues.  I was invited to Bucknell University by a chapter of Chi Phi Fraternity–a leader in inclusion on their campus.  I am sought-after for advice from other individuals, chapters, and offices of fraternity/sorority affairs on how they may improve their efforts.  To date, several national, predominately white fraternities and sororities have already adopted gay and trans-inclusive language on their own.

Brother Johnson is right to demand that predominately black fraternities and sororities also fall in line.  Indeed, I am concerned that if we don’t, we may ultimately be disinvited from college campuses which want to ensure that their organizations are safe places for all of their students.

In case it is not abundantly clear, I also firmly believe that transmen are simply men, transwomen are simply women, and they should pursue membership in the fraternities and sororities which match their gender identities, regardless of the gender assigned to them at birth.  I am not in the business of reviewing DNA reports or doing manual checks to ensure that one’s sex matches my own.  That has nothing to do with whether I feel like I get along well with you, serve well with you, and trust my fraternity with you as a leader and as a man.

However, I did have to pause and check my privilege on another matter in Brother Johnson’s essay.  And I checked it but I still disagree.  He says:

Being Black and Greek is not exclusive to the hetero population, and our platforms and values can no longer act as if this is the case.

Yes, I agree.  If my fraternity can take a stand on immigration issues, we should have long since taken a stand on marriage equality—well before it became the law of the land.  But…

While many Black LGBTQ people have gained membership into these illustrious organizations, we have only been accepted so long as our gender and sexuality doesn’t cross the line of what’s deemed acceptable. For Black LGBTQ people both our Blackness and sexuality matters. Like everyone else, we are are the sum of all our parts–not just the pieces that you like or choose to accept.

Welllll….

When it comes to my pursuit of membership, I was accepted for who I was with no hesitation.  I was what my chapter wanted, even though my performance of masculinity leaned toward the artistic rather than the athletic.  I fit.  In the tapestry of diverse masculinities which Alpha embodies under the surface, there was space for me as the starving writer—space which may not have been available had I pursued another fraternity.

I do, however, acknowledge my privilege in this tapestry.  Straight brothers sometimes presume that I am straight unless otherwise challenged.  It seems like no matter what, I am always coming out to *somebody.*  I’ve written four novels with gay main characters, done huge speeches on being gay, worn a rainbow necklace, and still some 50-year brother might ask me when I’m going to get a girlfriend.

I happen to find such naiveté among brothers endearing, but I also recognize that I get a kick out of being “unclockable” to certain eyes.  I have never been “straight-acting” or “gay-acting”—I’ve just been myself, whatever that means in a given moment.  For me, wearing a floppy sunhat would not feel authentic to me—nor would wearing a baseball cap with a football team on it.  And yes, I acknowledge that one of those decisions would be heteronormative and masculine-friendly—so I’m not saying this is about a hat.  This is not about hats at all, but again, authenticity.

I can empathize with a gay man wanting to be in a fraternity, because that’s who I was.  I wanted a brotherhood and a sense of belonging.  I wanted to feel like and feel part of men who thought as I did.  I found that.

I can intellectualize a transman wanting to be in a fraternity because, again, they seek that sense of sameness and oneness.  They want the same sense of brotherhood and belonging that I sought, and that’s why I have no issues with a transman pursuing membership like any other man.

Because there are so few black fraternities, they each seem to fit one of the various archetypes of masculinity:  the nerd/geek; the party animal; the playboy; the boy-next-door; and the outlaw.  (Or any variations on those themes.)  I believe that each of the fraternities purposefully manifests these masculinities in their aesthetic traditions (including stepping and strolling), as well as ritual, protocol, and programming.

Straight or gay, trans or cis, I am hard-pressed to find a member of any major fraternity who doesn’t embody the performance of that masculinity in their lives, especially when in a room full of their brothers.   Being in a fraternity is predicated on the acceptance and buy-in of the performance of masculinity, whether our personal performance of that masculinity is at level one or level ten.

Further, there is no better time or place to see the various masculine archetypes manifest than in the probate show/new member presentation.  Whether hypersexualized and heteronormative or modest and sexuality-neutral, I believe that these shows are still a performance of traits associated with manhood.  There is hard stepping, not soft stepping; a grit, not a smile; and outfits ranging from tuxedoes to army fatigues.

Gay men can be found in each variation of the archetype.  Certainly a transman could be found in each variation as well.

Where, then, is the feminine man if the traditional performance is one of masculinity?  Where is the home for the feminine man if the prevailing fraternities’ reputations are built on performance?

Each person who joins a fraternity agrees to this performance even beyond the new member shows.  This is exemplified in wardrobe requirements in the ritual to dress codes at chapter meetings and conventions.  I don’t believe these norms are a surprise to those pursuing membership.  If a feminine man was not feminine before pledging, then he has agreed to the performance of masculinity through one of the archetypes, from the nerd to the party animal to the outlaw.

We are all in drag, whether in business suits or fatigues and boots.  One who non-conforms may be in accord with the values of an organization generally, but would still have to identify with the aesthetic of the organization in order to truly qualify.

Are fraternities and sororities ideal organizations for gender-nonconforming people?  Probably not.  A strong identification with not only the values and programs is necessary, but the culture, the style, the way that things are done.  The best of Omega or Kappa could surely be the best of Alpha.  What separates us is not talent or achievement, but style, method, and performance.  What works for the Sigmas may not work for the Iotas, but it still works.  What works for those of us who conform to gender may not work for those who are gender fluid, genderqueer, or nonconforming.  I respect that these organizations may not be for them.  They are still my siblings in justice.

My chosen drag when it comes to my organization is a black suit and gold tie.  Just as we get a twinge of pride when we watch YouTube videos of probate shows and see the new members dressed identically and stepping in sync, I get a large sense of pride when I enter a convention and see a thousand brothers who look just like me.  We move alike, we work alike.  Our thoughts may be different, yet we still know that our drag unites us in a certain way; that our sameness represents a unanimity of thought and action.

I don’t find that to be oppressive.  I find that to be inspiring.  I feel loved in the space that is my fraternity, a space where I feel I belong.  It is a space where I feel my fellow gay men and transmen also belong alongside straight and cisgender men.  Gender fluidity may be a bridge too far, yet I remain open to those ideas being challenged also.

***

Rashid Darden is a novelist.  He is also lecturer on LGBT issues as well as topics in fraternity and sorority life.  Contact Rashid here.

Filed Under: Diary, Fraternalism Tagged With: Divine Nine, George Johnson, LGBT, Rashid Darden

A Rebuttal to the Anti-Greek Life Sentiment at Georgetown

November 8, 2015 by Rashid

The below essay was originally typed in the comments of an editorial called “Greeks Exclude By Class” by Laura Owsiany in the The Hoya.   It has been edited for greater clarity. [Read more…] about A Rebuttal to the Anti-Greek Life Sentiment at Georgetown

Filed Under: Diary, Fraternalism Tagged With: Greek Life

Kids These Days: Best Practices for Youth Step Shows

April 13, 2015 by Rashid

In February, I was asked to be a judge for a youth step show at my alma mater, Georgetown University.  As the founder of the GU Step Team (GUST) I was honored to come back and participate.

There were three teams: Dem Raider Boyz, the Lady Raiders, and the Lady Legacy Step Team.  I enjoyed the show and photos are below:

But I did want to bring some things up for people to consider when coaching teams or sponsoring step shows.

Always teach the history before you teach the choreography.  Stepping is an African American art form, first and foremost.  In its present form, it comes from African American fraternities and sororities via many other cultural traditions.  If any stepper does not know this, they should not perform.

There is a difference between boys’ teams and girls’ teams.  They should compete in their own divisions, not against one another.

You can have too much of a good thing.  Consider dividing your team into smaller squads.   Yes, large squads are impressive, but smaller squads are more versatile.

Stop appropriating traditional steps from fraternities and sororities.  Instead, go on YouTube and find videos of great choreography, period.  Beyonce does it.  So can you.  Incorporate moves from different time periods into brand new percussive steps.

You don’t have to grit.  And some teams are calling it the “stank face” which is even worse.  Gritting comes from the black fraternal experience and I am not comfortable with youth emulating it.  There’s a time and place to learn what gritting means and why it’s done.  High school is not that time.

Finally, know that there is life after stepping.  Stepping is a form of dance, and dance is an art, so that makes you an artist.  Take those skills with you to college and consider joining a dance troupe.  And obviously there are professional step teams and dance troupes to join after college, too.  if you are good, keep going!

I am looking forward to my next youth show.  Hopefully there will be many more teams that are ready to handle the stage.

Filed Under: Culture, Diary, Fraternalism Tagged With: Dem Raider Boys, Georgetown University Step Team, GUST, Lady Raiders

I can’t trust white women, either: #SAEhatesme

March 10, 2015 by Rashid

Yesterday, Dr. Frances Becque posted a brief essay on her website about the Sigma Alpha Epsilon situation at Oklahoma.  I had huge problems with it when I initially read it, but I decided to wait a while before I posted my response.  I have immense respect for Dr. Becque’s research and promotion of fraternalism.

However, her essay is a prime example of what I spoke about yesterday on the issue of people of color being able to trust that white people won’t be racist in closed company, among other things.  Yesterday, I spoke mainly about the aggressors.  Today I will speak about bystanders.

What troubles me most about Dr. Becque’s post is not that she fails to use the word “racism” in the entirety of the post.  (What I liked about the response of both SAE and the President of OU is that each was quite clear that the acts we saw on film were racist and bigoted.)  No, it doesn’t surprise me at all–I am used to white people, well-meaning and otherwise, removing the “race card” from play even though it’s the only card that’s been dealt.

I suppose I could also be upset that she refuses to label those young men “men” and instead makes an intentional point to call them boys, as though to absolve them from the ownership of their words.  (And let’s be clear that it’s not the words that hurt–it’s the environment that the young men perpetuate that hurts their chapter, their campus, and their community.  Racism hurts black people, but racism also hurts white people.)

And sure, I could be upset at Dr. Becque’s appeal for calm, to remember that these “boys” are not “monsters.”  (One could make a very strong argument that racists are monsters.)

What troubles me the most about her essay is that I’m not troubled at all.  It’s just another symptom of white supremacy and patriarchy manifesting itself in the Greek community, perhaps where it spreads most efficiently.

To paraphrase Iyanla Vanzant, let’s call a thing a thing.  White men who exist in white spaces that empower them to be racists are monsters.  White women who empower those men in those spaces are bigger monsters, because they have the ability as parents to raise them right in the first place, but choose to coddle and protect them, to preserve the very patriarchy that continues to subjugate them.

I have no empathy for racists.  It is not my job to fix racism.  It is the job of white people to fix racism.

So fix it.

Stop empowering racists.  Stop trying to appeal to a sense of calm when your “boys” are the ones in chaos.  We will continue to march.  We will continue to protest.  And we will continue to call racism out where it happens and where it is coddled.

Filed Under: Diary, Fraternalism Tagged With: Fran Becque, Frances Becque, SAEhatesme, Sigma Alpha Epsilon

I Can’t Trust White Men: #SAEhatesme

March 9, 2015 by Rashid

Black people can tell if a white person is the type who says nigger when he thinks no one is watching. We know and we warn others about you. –Me, on Facebook last night.

Over the weekend, a story emerged about a chapter of Sigma Alpha Epsilon which was suspended due to racist behavior which was caught on film.  For what it’s worth, I was impressed with the swift response from SAE’s National President Brad Cohen, who said “They will be dealt with.”

And dealt with they were.  Chapter closed, members evicted from the house, and expulsions are sure to follow.  Mr. Cohen’s response doesn’t seem to be the standard response of corporate embarrassment and brand protection.  It seems to be genuine disgust.  I appreciate that and I wish more fraternal leaders could be trusted to have similar responses.

But the problem is that white people are racist and I can not trust a white person I don’t know to not be racist.

My lack of trust in white people (men in particular) is not unfounded.  It is not unreasonable.  It is based in the reality of a racist and patriarchal society that was not designed for black excellence.  These young men on this bus already have all the privilege in the world.  It wasn’t enough to just be white in a space affirming of whiteness.  They had to affirm their superiority and their exclusionary beliefs.

Thankfully there was at least one subversive person on the bus who filmed and shared it.

Anyway…

I am glad that the #SAEhatesme movement has begun on social media, but I hope people understand that this is not solely about Sigma Alpha Epsilon.  This is about any institution of all-white (on some campuses) or mainly white (on many campuses) people that gets to decide their own membership.  When picking a pledge class, a chapter may not be chanting about never taking a nigger, but what’s going on inside them when they do vote?  Are they challenging themselves about why they are voting no on a candidate?  Are they really checking their privilege?

Further, are they asking themselves why people of color are not rushing their chapters in the first place?

Do they know that we don’t trust them to do right by us?

I am a Brother of Alpha Phi Omega, one of the most happy-go-lucky fraternal organizations on the planet, and even in our own existence, there have been chapters which have donned black face and had jungle-themed fundraisers.  Although this was decades ago, it is definitely documented in our national newsletter.

No institution of white people is immune to racism.  But ultimately, my mistrust of white people is not my problem because it is not steeped in racism.  It is an evidence-based emotion, signed in the blood of Mike Brown and Eric Garner, with a bullet as the exclamation point.  It is on film.  It is in print.  I don’t trust a white person to not call me nigger behind closed doors.

This is a white person’s problem, not mine.  I’m good.  I don’t have work to do.  White people do.  In the words of Olivia Pope:

Earn me.  Earn my trust.  Show me that you won’t lynch me.  Show me that you will teach your boys not to shoot me.  Show me that you want me in your fraternities and your country clubs.

Until then… just leave me alone.

Filed Under: Diary, Fraternalism Tagged With: Brad Cohen, Rashid Darden, SAEhates me, Sigma Alpha Epsilon

1987

March 9, 2015 by Rashid

Post by Stephanie T. Sutton-Johnson.

Filed Under: Diary, Fraternalism

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