Rashid Darden

Old Gold Soul Press

Main navigation

Fraternalism

Fraternal Friday: You want to put that hot sauce where?

by

Tabasco

Last week, the Alphas at University of Tennessee were kicked off campus until 2016 for some pretty ill allegations.  Here are the receipts for those of you (like me) who need the salacious details like to understand how disciplinary investigations work.

To be honest, I don’t want to talk about what my brothers are accused of specifically.  When these stories get out, it becomes all-too-easy to play pile-on with not only the undergrads, but the entire generation.

OMG THEY NEED TO STOP ALL THIS HAZING

OMG THIS WHOLE GENERATION IS KILLING THE FRAT

OMG THEY MAKIN UP NEW SHIT NOW!  WE NEEEEEVER DID THAT

OMGWTFBBQ

So here’s the thing…. I will be 35 years old on June 25.  I am not a young man.  The practice of putting hot sauce on your privates as a stage in the pledge process is not new.  I first heard about it as an undergraduate which was over 15 years ago now.  There is a name for the practice and there is a reason for the practice.  It’s not a mindless thing that somebody made up out of the blue.

It is, however, very reckless and unnecessary for the training of potential members into a fraternity.  So if you’re reading this and you’re doing this to your pledges, please stop.  And if you’re not, don’t start.

But again, this practice existed fifteen years ago.  It bothers me when older fraternity members don’t think critically about how culture works.  Just because you didn’t do it doesn’t mean it wasn’t going on.  “The Process” has never been one monolithic experience.  When it comes to unofficial, underground pledge processes, they vary from totally hands-off pledging experiences which are uplifting and educational, to cruel and meaningless hazing practices and probate show practice.

Most fall somewhere in the middle.

I believe that most undergraduates who participate in underground processes are well-meaning young men and women who yearn for a deep connection to…something.  Maybe it’s to the ancestors, or to ideals, or just to a legacy they can be part of.  We (collectively) hype fraternity and sorority membership to be a transformative experience.   And for decades, “The Process” was the catalyst for the transformation.

But as “The Process” changed and laws against hazing changed, the official intake processes had to change as well, forcing deeper underground the already illegal practices that chapters were engaging in.

Let’s be clear:  there has always been an “underground” even when pledging was “above-ground.”  Every chapter had its own traditions and practices.  Everyone wasn’t putting hot sauce on genitals, but some people were getting peanut butter perms while others were getting shot in the face with water guns.

And men and women endured because the benefits to joining a BGLO are real and tangible, and for many, it was worthwhile socially and professionally.

But that’s really outside my overall point, which is that undergrads are being vilified nationally because they are being caught engaging in practices which are often as old as the chapters themselves.  Something about that doesn’t sit right with me.

Maybe it’s because my brothers and sisters haven’t accepted that there is no singular underground process with a syllabus, objectives, standards, and reading list.

When you go underground, that is a local decision.  You do it because you want to be transformed.  When the mask comes off at the probate show, you want to have earned that new name.  I get that.

But I wish they didn’t feel that way.  And I wish the chapter members (and alumni) giving them the underground process didn’t feel as though they had to.  This is a generational curse that perhaps no amount of revamping of the official process can solve.

I do know that vilifying an entire generation of those who have chosen to be hazed won’t solve anything and won’t mend any rifts between the young and old.  It’s going to take a lot of compassion and listening to solve this complex problem.

 

Fraternal Friday: Will a Transgender aspirant ever be initiated?

by

yes-word

And you will deal.

When I first thought about this topic for Fraternal Fridays, I thought it was going to be a long, eloquent, passionate defense of the transgender community.  I thought I’d be citing all types of articles and real life people who should be members of a fraternity or sorority, but seemingly cannot because they are trans.

But why make a fetishistic statement of this blog entry by peppering it with pictures of trans folks who are hot right now?  That’s not the point.

My point is that I am a cisgender fraternity man who will judge a transgender applicant on the same merits as any other applicant.  A man is a man and I don’t care to check for the receipts.

Yes, it’s going to be a very hard road for transgender applicants.  Transphobia is real out here and there will be many denials before the first yes.  But I have faith in the undergraduates of today and tomorrow.  It has always been the undergraduate chapters who have been on the leading edge of social justice issues in the Greek community.  I don’t expect some old fogey alumni chapter to do the right thing.  The undergrads can and the undergrads will.

To my trans folks… it might take a while, and it might not be you, but it will happen.  Your bystanders are becoming your allies.  We will get there.

Throwback Thursday: Social Probation

by

Que3
Lampados Pledge Club (Omega Psi Phi) at Wilberforce

 

In this excerpt from Lazarus, I write about one of the occasions the Beta pledges were on line and had to navigate the campus while on strict social probation.  Enjoy.

After having purchased extra white shirts and black slacks for our line brothers, Ed and I stepped off of the bus and paused at the front gates. We were both dressed identically, from shoes to shirts, and even our thick winter coats happened to be black.

“How are you feeling?” Ed whispered.

“Fine,” I said. “Let’s do this.”

Our book bags on our backs, and shopping bags in our hands, we walked side by side through the campus. Our goal was to meet our line brothers in the smaller of our two cafeterias and have lunch together before we split up for class.

As we walked through the diagonal red brick path toward the heart of campus, my heartbeat sped up. Dozens of white kids passed us by, without so much as a second look. It could have been that our stoic faces disturbed them, but it was also highly likely that they did not notice us. We willed ourselves to be invisible so that we would not be forced to ignore our friends.

I noticed that our pace was quicker than it would have been had we not been pledges. Only about a minute had passed, and we were already walking through The Square, the symbolic center of campus as well as the busiest place at midday. We were nearly through The Square when someone called out for Ed.

“Ayo, Ed!” the male voice called. I resisted the urge to turn to Ed, and we walked on.

“Ed!” the man called again. We continued to walk, not daring to break social probation. The sharp voice cut through the winter air like a blade, for as busy as it was, The Square was still relatively quiet. I could sense Ed tensing up, but we walked on.

“Hey Ed, I know you hear me!”

I prayed that whoever was calling Ed would not try to confront him right there in front of everyone. It just would not do to have an argument in the middle of campus on our first real day of pledging.

We stepped up our pace and finally were clear from the center of campus. We only had two more buildings to pass before we reached the cafeteria. There were more people of color walking on this side of campus, but fortunately, we did not know most of them. Several smiled or nodded, which we could handle with a small smirk or nod back.

Every now and then, I touched my collar to make sure my pledge pin was still there. The golden disc with the burgundy letter P was smaller than a dime, and we all were paranoid about losing them since we had to wear them at all times.

We reached the cafeteria and got in the longish line to have our identification cards swiped through the card reader so that we could eat. Ed and I surveyed the dining area and saw Calen and Micah already seated at a square table near the rear of the room. We made eye contact with each other, and they rose to begin getting their food.

Kathy, the middle-aged lady who swiped the cards took one look at me and Ed and knew our story.

“Oh my God!” She quietly exclaimed as she held my card in her hand. “Y’all are pledging, too?”

She smiled as we looked at each other, unsure of what to do.

“Well, babies,” she began. “I know y’all can’t talk to me, but don’t worry about it. You just do your thing. It’ll all be over soon enough.”

We couldn’t help but to smile at Kathy, as she was the first person to really wish us good luck in the process.

“Yeah, babies,” she said as she swiped Ed’s card through the reader. “I seen a lot of young men – and ladies – be on line throughout the years. Y’all will be just fine.”

 

***

If you liked what you read and want to know what happens next, please purchase Lazarus today!

Fraternal Friday: When it comes to probates, know when to fold ’em.

by

80_512483406995_4569_nToday, the AKAs are coming out at Howard, as are the Ques, and probably a bunch of other folks.  I will be 35 this year — gone are my days of showing up on Howard’s campus just to see probate shows.  It’s a little unseemly to show up for a show to see some guys and girls you don’t know, even if one is an enthusiast of such things.

However, I do anticipate the many Instagram photos and YouTube videos which are sure to fill my newsfeeds in a few hours.  Special shout out to Calilivin09, a former Howard student who did a really good job at documenting all the probate shows/neophyte shows for their entire time there.  We underestimate the importance of documentation of these events, and thanks to the amateur documentarians, we can look, remember, compare, and smile.

The bad thing about YouTube is that for all the great neo shows that we’ve seen, we’ve also seen some pretty bad ones, haven’t we?  The point of my post is not to clown the worst probate shows ever, but to give all of you in Greekdom just a few tips that can prevent you from having a bad coming out show.

Believe it or not, you don’t have to have a probate show.  (Yes, I know they are called New Member Presentations now, but I’m still calling it a Probate.)

Yes, yes, I know on your campus everybody probates.  And I’m sure you’re thinking if your chapter doesn’t probate, you will be seen as wack, cat, skaters, etc.

Who cares?  The fact is your boys or your girls just might not be ready to present a perfect show in enough time.  You might not have enough talented step masters in your chapter to teach them.  Or maybe, just maybe, your organization has too many restrictive rules on probates to make it worthwhile.

You don’t have to explain to the public why you’re not having a probate.  At the end of the day, never put out less than high quality when it comes to presenting your new members.  If you can’t have an A+ probate, have an A+ alternative.

Ever been to a Cotillion?  No, I’m not saying have a cotillion instead of a probate.  But take the basic idea of introducing new members one by one in a formal way to the community and apply it to an event which would work on your campus.

Have a reception or a tea.  Get a multipurpose room on campus, have some nice food, dress up, and introduce your new people.  I bet your administrators and grad chapter would approve.

Looking for something less formal?  Have a crossing party and introduce the new members by letting them stroll into the party.  All you have to do is teach them one stroll.

Wanting to introduce your new members to the campus is valid, and your new members will certainly want to be introduced.  But please ma’am, and please, sir, know your limitations.  Where it’s time or talent or even challenges of finding flattering identical attire, know that a terrible probate will spell a terrible year.

A few years ago, a sorority I’m acquainted with had so many restrictions on probates that all they could really do was have an all-chapter step show.  The entire chapter dressed alike, marched out, stepped, introduced themselves one by one, stepped some more, and strolled out.  It was not only a debut for the new members, but a farewell for the seniors.

If restrictions are a problem, there are alternatives.

This is not a probate:

Nor is this a probate:

And this is not a probate:

Happy probate season, everyone!

The Chapter-publican Manifesto: Membership Selection, Legacy Clauses, and the Whole Shebang

by

So, about these chicks and their mothers who are suing Howard University and Alpha Kappa Alpha because they were denied membership into Alpha Chapter.

Actually, I don’t want to talk about them at all.  They suck.

Let us instead talk about being a Chapter-publican.  Among my fraternity, I tell brothers that I am an Alphapublican.  That means I believe that the most important unit in the fraternity is the chapter.  It is the chapter who recruits, retains, and reclaims the membership.  It is the chapter which serves the community.  People join chapters.   Based on the national organization’s legacy, of course, but they still join chapters.  In an area like Washington, DC, or any other large metropolitan area, there are often multiple chapters of the same organization, each with their own personality and culture.

Leadership of the organizations should support the work of the chapters.  People who aspire to be leaders should enjoy the chapter experience – not think about the glory and prestige of being a national, regional, cluster, state, or district officer.

The national headquarters of the organizations should focus on chapter services – giving the chapters what they need in a timely manner to fulfill their obligations of service to the communities.

The chapter is the most important unit.  Not the region.  Not the cluster.  The chapter.  Support the chapters.

As such, I believe that the chapter ought to have the final say in matters of membership selection.  Always.  Even when they are morally or ethically questionable.

First and foremost, every chapter vote ought to be final.  When a chapter comes together to vote on who they want, the organization should trust that they have carefully considered who they want, who qualifies, who will be the best fit, etc.  If you as an organization or an organization leader can’t trust that you have given the chapters the proper tools to make the right selection, then you have already failed them.  Spend your time on training the chapters on how to identify the right candidates.

No one outside of the chapter or higher than the chapter should have the right to change the chapter’s vote in any way.  You know what that means?  No add-ons.  If the chapter has not voted affirmatively on you, then this is the end of the road.  There should be no way at all to appeal a decision of the chapter on matters of membership.  No Region Directors adding people on after the vote.  No parents calling headquarters.  No.  No, no, no.  Bad.

And you know what?  No take-offs.  It wasn’t until very recently that I learned that some organizations have the power to actually remove a man or woman that the chapter has voted on for specious reasons.  Again, if you are empowering the chapter to make the decision to select a line, how is it that one has the time to even check up behind that chapter to “just make sure” they have done everything properly?  Sure, a chapter here and there might assist an applicant in fraudulently gaining entry, such as knowledge that the candidate doesn’t reside in the service area of the chapter, or a letter of recommendation which suggests a deeper knowledge of the candidate than is accurate, but you know what?  Who cares?  The chapter voted yes.  The chapter wants the candidate.

Which leads me to the problem of so-called legacy clauses.  And no, this is not just an Alpha Kappa Alpha problem.  Theirs is just the one you know about.

I am against any policy which bypasses the chapter vote.  I do understand the desire to have a policy which honors the bond between mother and daughter, father and son, or between siblings.  I get it.  I really do.  But this bond should not be at the expense of the sovereignty of the chapter.  

If your daughter is the bee’s knees, then let her shine on her own.  If your son is the top banana, then the chapter will know it.  But you, as their parent, will be biased.  You just will be.  By the time they submit an application, you will have seen their growth over two decades.  You will see how far they have come.  The chapter they are pursuing will only have known then for two or three semesters.  Let them fall in love with your child as you did.

And acknowledge that while we do join organizations, we join them through chapters.  The person must fit in the chapter.  Let your child find out if they fit.  Let the chapter make that determination.  Don’t rob your child of the opportunity to forge their own path.

As Oprah quoted someone else on her show, there is a time for the parent to transition from manager to consultant.  The women involved in this lawsuit never made that transition.  If you are a Greek parent, do your children and your organization a favor:  stay out of the membership process until it’s time for you to pin them or come to their neophyte show.  It’s the best gift you could give them.

And ponder what I mean by becoming a Chapterpublican yourself.  Consider the rights of your chapter, what’s best for your chapter, how your chapter can best serve the community.  Don’t undermine your chapter – or anyone else’s – by robbing them of the right, privilege, and responsibility of selecting new members.

Where did Lazarus come from?

by

1) Where did you get the idea for the series of Lazarus, Covenant, & Epiphany?

2) Did it all come to you in one big idea? Or a little bit at a time, and that’s how it became 3 books.  — Rico W.

 

The story of the Lazarus Trilogy began with a question:  What would happen if the star basketball player got into a relationship with the most popular young man on campus?

That idea became a play that I wrote in 2000 called Behind Closed Doors, and later named Discretion.  It was the story of a slightly different (yet familiar) Adrian Collins who was living with a basketball player named Isaiah, while dealing with mild Post Traumatic Stress Disorder from having been hazed and literally beaten off line from Beta Chi Phi.  (Although he was still initiated into the fraternity, he was viewed as an outcast for being gay.)

In the midst of this story, he falls in love with Isaiah and deals with his ex-boyfriend Carlos, who he lost while pledging.

When the play was finished, I tried to stage a reading, but only my friends Maya (RIP) and Amerie showed up to help out.  On top of that, my mentor at the time, Dennis Williams, said the play was good, but he wanted to know more about Carlos the ex-boyfriend and about the pledging process.

So I made the decision in 2000 to rework this story as a novel, beginning with the fraternity story and saving the love story for a subsequent novel if I still felt like it.  I also decided to postpone writing it until after I finished undergrad.  Incidentally, it was also during this time that my “black vampire” idea was born.

In fall 2001, I began writing the novel called Lazarus.  President’s Day Weekend 2002, it was complete.  I published it in 2005.

Of course, Carlos became Savion and Isaiah only made cameo appearances in Lazarus, so Covenant still had to be written.  It was completed in 2007 and published in 2011.  That novel was quick and easy to write because I already knew how it would turn out.

While writing Covenant, I had ideas for two more novels.  In the end, there were to be four novels, more or less mirroring the four years of college.  If you have read Epiphany, imagine the first two-thirds being novel #3, and the last third being novel #4, plus a story line about Adrian becoming the Dean of the line during his senior year.  But I decided that I was done writing about the fraternity experience.  While interesting to me, I don’t think most people would care about Sigma Chapter anymore after one novel about Adrian’s experience on Uprising and another about his experiences bringing in the Phantoms.

Oh hell, while we’re here, I might as well tell you about what was going to happen on the next line.  So Calen was going to get elected Dean of Pledges, then he was going to have a terrible car accident and have to take a semester off school to recover.  The chapter was going to recruit six guys:

Morris Jordan from Potomac was going to be the Ace.  As you know, he had a previous history with Adrian.  As the Dean, Adrian felt it might not be appropriate for Morris to make the line, given their past, but the chapter liked him so Adrian was outvoted.  After he gets a little….shall we say “sassy” with Adrian, he is given the line name “Cruel Intentions.”

Kyle Sykes, a business student from Rock Creek, was the deuce.  All I know about him is that his personal motto was “greed is good” which landed him the line name “Monopoly.”

Justin Wilson and Jason Wilson were twins attending Potomac.  My notes on them indicate that they were always nervous  so the chapter named them “Paralysis” and “Aphasia.”

The number five was Leon Rogers, a theology student from Rock Creek who is named “Holy Terror” because he turns out to be a homophobe that can’t seem to respect his Dean.

Finally, the number six is Shane O’Neil from Potomac.  Everyone seems to think he a guitar-playing, stoner white boy, but he is actually biracial and struggling to find himself through the fraternity.  Because he is so unique, and some would say strange, he is given the line name “Xenogenesis,” which is not only the prior name of Octavia Butler’s Lilith’s Brood series, but it literally means “the supposed generation of offspring completely and permanently different from the parent.”

Needless to say, a lot was going on with this line, which Adrian named “Crucial Conflicts.”  But in the end, I decided to make Mohammed their Dean to allow Adrian the chance to focus on his national position that he gained at the end of Epiphany and to provide a way for Mohammed to gain the respect of the chapter.  And I didn’t think those things needed to happen “on-page” for them to be believable.

So that’s how Epiphany was written the way it was, with that “extra third” at the end which seemed like a separate story altogether.  At the end, three college novels was enough, and if I was going to continue to write about these beloved characters, they’d have to be young adults removed from the college campus.