Rashid

Breaking the Boycott of Sorority Sisters

January 15, 2015 by Rashid

My name is Rashid Darden and I am a novelist. I am also a member of Alpha Phi Alpha Fraternity, Inc. Acting independently from my fraternity and the members who have chosen to boycott, I plan to exercise my own rights:

I will be watching the remaining episodes of Sorority Sisters this Friday night on VH1 from 9:30pm onward.

As I’ve already stated in an earlier essay, I believe that the backlash from the show stems primarily from the dangerous and alienating respectability politics of black folks. Since that essay, and since subsequent shows have aired, I have been witness to the devolution of values of the members of fraternities and sororities who are against the show.

I’ve seen women exclaim gleefully that they couldn’t wait for their sisters to be expelled from their organizations. The cast members of the show have spoken about the death threats they have received, but fraternity and sorority members only said “Well if that were true, the police would be involved.”

Spoken by people who have never been impacted by cyber bullying and harassment.

Perhaps even more insidious than the aggressive attacks against these women is the acts of the bystanders joining the protests. People joined the boycott because it was the popular thing to do. I had friends who supported the boycott who admittedly only did so because they don’t like shows which air “dirty laundry.”

I also suspect that there were those who were adamant about supporting the boycott because it positioned them to be quoted in national media as an expert in Greek life, to perhaps boost their sales or notoriety. Can’t knock the hustle, I guess.

Meanwhile, I have seen a great deal of non-Greeks support the show. They say to me that they are glad to see that real people are members of these organizations–not just the St. John suit-wearing, mink-flaunting, middle-aged socialites, but real women who have bills and kids and kids’ fathers–just like them.

Behind all of this backlash, some will be suspended. Yes, some will be expelled, but hopefully not without deep conversations about sweeping codes of conduct and broad codes of ethics. Conversations need to happen about why some members are given the harshest penalties while others skip off into the sunset, saved because of their high positions in their organizations. Saved because of the political heft of their chapters of initiation. Why can a man who steals from one chapter be expelled from an entire national fraternity, but a national leader who steals from his entire fraternity is not? Why justice for some, but not for all?

Let’s be clear: These women are not being punished for the show. They are being punished for the attention. Had this been a no-budget YouTube series, this would not have been an issue.

But these are conversations to be had within the organizations. Perhaps the lessons learned from Sorority Sisters will be the impetus that all organizations need to create policies which recognize and reaffirm that disclosure of one’s membership does not tarnish a century-old legacy. Indeed, tarnish doesn’t happen overnight.

Perhaps the legacies first began to tarnish when that first person decided that their organization should fund their travel rather than paying for it out of pocket.

Perhaps the legacies first began to tarnish when that first person voted “no” on a candidate because they were suspected to be “funny” or a “confirmed bachelor.”

Perhaps the legacies first began to tarnish when that first person turned their nose up at a young man or young woman who came to college at a nontraditional age.

Sorority Sisters has not made the public think less of Greek letter organizations. It has given us, the members of Greek letter organizations, an opportunity to check ourselves.

We are not perfect. And how we have handled Sorority Sisters reflects our imperfections. The reaction has saddened me, to be honest, especially in the midst of so much in the world we could be working on.

It’s funny to me how none of the conversations I’ve observed have mentioned how our organizations could get a handle on Sorority Sisters and use a second season of it as a vehicle for changing the culture of Greekdom itself. Kefla Hare’s (Alpha Phi Alpha) appearance on Road Rules Australia truly made me look at Alpha in a different light when I was in high school. Before him, I considered Alphas to be arrogant, out of touch, and pompous. Kefla’s appearance on MTV and his representation of a real Alpha made me reconsider. Put Kameelah, an AKA who appeared on Real World Boston in that category also.

This generation deserves to see itself in April, Cat, Adrene, Shanna, Priyanka, MeToya, Joy, Lydia, and Veronica, with all of their efforts to be good, to be better, and to be real. We are not our sisters’ keepers – we are our sisters. We are our brothers. Whether they look like we look or act like we act, we are still them and they are still us.

Thank you, Sorority Sisters, for showing us as we really are–on your side of the television and on ours.

Tarot Tuesday: Who’s that guy?

January 6, 2015 by Rashid

Welcome to Tarot Tuesdays 2015! Every other Wednesday I will be writing about my experiences as a tarot reader. Several friends, acquaintances, and nice people that I know have volunteered for a one-card reading lasting about 20 minutes. I will share what happened in these readings with all of you.

Just a note: I am not a psychic and I do not believe that I personally can predict the future. I view tarot as a fun method of deciphering what’s going on in your life by decoding symbols that are presented to us.

Now, onward to the reading.

Yesterday, I drew a card for a very nice young lady I met the last time I visited New Orleans, though she is a west coaster herself. She wanted to know what her romantic prospects were, and more specifically whether she already knew the person she was meant to be with.

I drew The Chariot, reversed. That means the card was upside-down. (For the record, I strongly prefer the Rider-Waite deck with images drawn by Pamela Colman Smith.)

The Chariot is typically a card representative of success and triumph. It can also be seen as an admonishment against arrogance. But in the reversed position it takes on a slightly different meaning.

When it’s upside-down, I told my client, it means a victory that’s a little more…messy. I asked her “Do you watch Scandal? Well, in the upright position, this card could be seen as Olivia Pope–a victory of the good guys, the white hats. But reversed, this card is more like Cyrus Beene than Olivia Pope. A winner, yes. But a good guy? M’eh…”

So what did this card mean in the sense of love and relationships? My intuition told me that this card did not describe my client, but the man who would be entering her life. I was certain this was not a man already in her world. This guy would be new–accomplished, affluent, and flashy. He would be new money, not old-guard wealth. He would be great for adventures and a short-lived good time, but he was not the one to be settling down with.

Avoid him if you want to, I told her. But if you do engage him, make sure you understand that this guy is a winner, but he’s not the good guys. Be careful, and leave room for the guy who is supposed to be there.

She was pleased with the reading? Why?

She had gone to a psychic this weekend who told her the same thing.

I screamed. “Are you kidding me?” I asked. Yep, she had gone to a psychic who read her palm and told her she would meet a fast-talking, new-money man who would be good in the short term, but someone was coming who would be far better for her.

Clearly, I was shocked at the similarities, since I clearly did not know the psychic and didn’t know the details of the query until the day of the reading.

But what fun, right? These are the lessons we can learn through the symbols of a tarot reading. I’m looking forward to a check-in with her in about six months to see what’s going on.

Would you like a tarot reading of your own? I give more detailed readings for a flat rate of $45 by phone or Skype. Check me out!

The Magic of Dreams: Eleanor Lopes Akahloun’s memoir is here

January 1, 2015 by Rashid

Last month, I had the pleasure of attending the book launch for Eleanor Lopes Akahloun’s memoir The Magic of Dreams: An American Diplomat’s Journey. Ms. Akahloun–known as Penny to her friends and family–is the mother of one of my dear college friends. The event was at Sankofa Books & Cafe in Northwest DC–a fine venue to just meet friends, purchase books from the diaspora, or have an intimate special event.

I brought my camera just in case my talents were needed and I found myself doing my thing fairly quickly. I was happy to serve, considering I know what it’s like to have to put on a book event and worry about all the little things that come up in the course of the day.

Ms. Akahloun did a wonderful job and I can’t wait to read about her various adventures as a woman in foreign service.

Your bitter truth: Camera phone pictures are not enough.

December 30, 2014 by Rashid

Once upon a time there was a little black boy who won a writing contest in 1995. The Metropolitan DC Chapter of The Links, Inc., gave this boy a $300 prize for his short story “Vampires at Camp.” [Little known fact: Two characters from Birth of a Dark Nation originated in this story.] With this prize money, this boy bought a Single Lens Reflex (SLR) camera – the Nikon N6006. To his friends and family, that meant “the big camera.” All he wanted was a massive zoom.

Although there was some irony in this boy spending his prize money on tools for visual art, rather than using it on becoming a better writer, he was sure that the Links would approve of him striving to become a better artist all the way around. So, through high school, he used his camera practically everywhere he went, investing in film (!) and the cost of developing said film (!!) at the local Giant Food store.

That boy was me. I took my camera to college with me and began documenting my experiences there. I have boxes of photos from high school and college, many that I have not scanned, or I have scanned and haven’t organized them well.

By my senior year, my camera began failing and became useless. I could never afford to get it fixed, so I put it down for good. I then began using a digital point-and-shoot camera with a strong optical zoom. I lost one camera in a taxi cab, then got a similar, better one.

In 2003, around the time I became an Alpha, I got immersed in documenting fraternal life in DC, particularly at Howard, where I had become acquainted with many students and alumni through Alpha Phi Omega and Alpha Phi Alpha. Over the next six years, I took all sorts of photographs with just my little point-and-shoot camera.

2004:

2005:

2006:

2007:

2008:

And so on. I was also shooting non-Greek things, but I became well-known in the are for documenting the fraternal scene. Not only did the Hilltop newspaper use my 2005 images without my permission, I’ve had people use my images in event flyers and such.

Yes, I could watermark my images. But I choose not to. I think my work has a style that speaks for itself.

At any rate, in 2009 I asked for and was gifted with my first (and current) digital SLR camera! It is a Nikon D60 and I love it. It reminds me of my first camera, but I am pushing myself a lot further with it. Since, you know, it’s impossible to waste film with a digital camera.

Here’s how my images of the fraternal world improved with the DSLR:

2009:

2010:

2011:

2012:

2013:

2014:

And that brings us to today.

I am not a perfect photographer and I try to learn a little more with every photo shoot. I enjoy portraiture and I like event photography. I still have a strand of photojournalism in me.

But all of that is just a preface. I want to stress something for all of you in 2015:

The phone on your camera will always be inferior to a good, digital point-and-shoot camera. And a DSLR camera, when used properly, will always be better than both.

The images on your phone can, indeed, be very very good – if you know what you’re doing. As someone who is better at composition than any technical aspect of my own camera, I sort of know what I’m looking for when I look through the “lens” of my phone. But a camera – an actual camera – gives me far more control up front.

What’s the point of having a phone full of images if they are all blurry? Too far away? Pixelated? Off-color?

Yes, yes, we all know the tricks of the trade – a blurry photo can look “vintage” with a sepia filter. I get it. I do that, too.

But come on, people, I need you to hear me: please invest in your own memories. Get a good digital camera to put in your coat pocket. Capture those moments. Zoom in with an optical zoom, not a digital zoom. Take better photos.

And after you take those photos, download them to your computer. Save them. Organize them.

Invest in photo editing software if you like filters and such. Adobe PhotoShop if you gangsta. OnOne Perfect Photo Suite if you not so gangsta.

Share your photos. I like Flickr a lot because it integrates will with so many social networking sites.

But you know you don’t have to share the bad ones, right? If you took 40 photos and 30 are blurry, it’s fine to only share the best ten! Just keep practicing, get better.

Print your photos! Yes, you can still get your digital photos printed. I use the FreePrints app by Photo Affections.

I just really want everybody to do better in 2015. I’m tired of hearing about young mothers who lose all their photos of their babies because they didn’t have the photos saved externally. I am tired of seeing blurry photos from friends who I know have a steadier hand than their photos portray. And yes, I am tired of selfies.

Of course, you could always just hire your own personal photographer if you don’t feel like doing it all yourself. If you do go that route, think of me first.

Brother R. Anthony Mills speaks to AKAs on social action

December 23, 2014 by Rashid

The sisters of the Psi Phi Omega Chapter of Alpha Kappa Alpha Sorority, Inc., (chartered 2014 in East Baltimore, Maryland) welcomed Brother R. Anthony Mills (Mu Upsilon – Frostburg State University) as a special guest at their last business meeting of the year. Brother Mills facilitated a conversation on the #BlackLivesMatter movement and discussed how women in community leadership, such as the ladies of Psi Phi Omega, may facilitate positive change through social action. Brother Mills is the Eastern Region Vice President of Alpha Phi Alpha, representing chapters from New England to Virginia on the National Board of Directors. He is also a past president of the historic Delta Lambda Chapter in Baltimore, Maryland.

Mrs. Joan Wilmer-Stewart is the president of Psi Phi Omega Chapter, which you may follow on Facebook for updates. More photos, provided by Mrs. Wilmer-Stewart, are below.

Sisterhood Under the Microscope: Respectability, Social Media, and VH1’s “Sorority Sisters”

December 16, 2014 by Rashid

Last night, I watched VH1’s Sorority Sisters. It’s a new reality show following a group of women in Atlanta who are all members of various black sororities. This summer, a teaser was released and the good respectable black folks of the internet were whipped into a frenzy. Boycotts ensued and the teaser was removed from Vimeo.

Then, in a surprise move, VH1 announced just last week that Sorority Sisters would indeed be making it to prime time, with the popular Love & Hip-Hop New York as the lead-in. The good respectable black folks of the internet were shocked–indeed, horrified–to see that their petition had failed despite all their best efforts. I like reality television so I knew right from the beginning that I would be watching. VH1 in particular invests in their unscripted programming in ways some of the other networks do not, so hopefully the production values would suggest a strong investment.

The show itself entertained me. What sets it apart is that I didn’t have to be a housewife, doctor or doctor’s partner, music mogul, or even wealthy to truly connect with the cast. They were all college educated people who were involved in Greek life. That’s me, too.

I think what makes the show work for me is also why it has frightened so many of the Greeks out there: it is familiar. It is personal. It is revealing.

The paper/made debate was brought up as a tangent to the issue of perps. Is she really a soror? Is she lying? Why is she evasive? Is she real? This is the black Greek culture. This is not surprising at all–it’s just now in the public sphere.

The struggle to accept white members of BGLOs was on full display. So was the teasing of the lone Lady Sigma. This is not new.

I can tell you as a guest blogger for Divine Nine Lover, the aspirants who are in college now already know this culture. We put it on full display right in front of them. I know because they ask us all the time “Why should we be discreet when we know everybody’s business already?”

I get it. I feel them. That horse is already out of the barn.

And I know my “nieces” and “nephews” will be watching this show and will have more questions, and I’m here for it. I think perhaps we underestimate this younger generation. They code-switch well. They know, generally, what’s appropriate and what’s not, just like with any other reality show.

But what’s bothered me has been the response from my fellow Greeks, even before the first episode dropped. You had some people outlining how to conduct a boycott of the show’s advertisers.

How the hell you gonna boycott a show you haven’t seen yet when some of your organizations won’t even let you wear letters to protests?

Listen: I am in favor of any structure which sheds light on the truth. It is my opinion that Sorority Sisters shows the truth of membership in a Greek letter organization. It won’t always be pretty and prissy.

Some sorority members have terrible attitudes. So do some fraternity members. We are not all Martin Luther King–nor do some of us want to be.

Some sorority members are burlesque performers. And you know what? Some fraternity members are very successful porn stars. I am here for it.

Some brothers and sisters are white–and maybe, just maybe when we see Shanna’s story unfold, the members of our orgs who have problems with white members can get over it, and the ones who treat white members like a special accomplishment can get over that, too.

My life as a member of Alpha Phi Alpha has not always been great, and I tell my truth as often as I am able. When I published my first novel Lazarus in 2005, the reactions from my brothers were mixed. Only three people in my alumni chapter supported me with a purchase. I was surrounded by brothers at Howard University and told the founders would be rolling over in their graves because of me. Another brother blocked my website from the university’s servers. And even at the Centennial convention, a brother spent twenty minutes telling me how he couldn’t support a novel about gay people. (But at minute 21, he sho-nuff bought one.)

I say these things not because I am bitter, but because I, too, have been boycotted. I was Alpha’s inconvenient truth: an openly gay member who was always openly gay who wrote books with gay themes. Brothers were not feeling that, me, my books, nothing. No, not all brothers. Many outside my chapter and outside my area were very supportive and still are. I made some of the best friends of my life in the frat at that time, because real people attract real people.

But to just say from the very beginning that you won’t support a show about sorority women just for the possibility that it might portray the sororities in a negative light is hypocritical and reeks of respectability politics.

Oh no, can’t show this on TV!

It will embarrass us!

It will make us all look bad!

Sorority Sisters doesn’t make sororities look bad. It is a reflection (and possibly amplification) of just….life.

Obnoxious. Sensitive. Naive. Sisterly. Loving. Evil. Greedy. Compassionate. Wise. Salt of the earth. Head in the clouds.

That’s what I saw.

I see the same things when I watch Love and Hip-Hop Atlanta. Yes, home of Joseline Hernandez and Stevie J and Mimi and the Shower Rod.

You don’t see the sensitivity of Joseline under her coarse exterior? You don’t feel a kinship with who she is and what she’s been through? When you see the “Puerto Rican Princess,” don’t you see your own sister?

Maybe that’s the problem. We’re so busy “othering” the reality stars who didn’t go to college, who didn’t pledge, who are just common and ratchet and therefore beneath us, that we miss their own humanity and our kinship with them as human beings.

No show of this kind will be everything you want it to be. There will be drama. There will be larger-than-life personalities. But please don’t characterize this show as the worst thing to happen to Greekdom. Fraternities and sororities have far worse problems with which to concern themselves.