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Rashid Darden

Old Gold Soul Press

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Archives for March 2012

Remembering Crushes Past with Hot Mama

March 21, 2012 by Rashid

I have no children.

Ironically, there are many women in my life who have claimed me as their baby’s father.  Usually, these kids don’t really exist. As in, it’s a joke.  Sometimes there will be a kid who looks like me, so the joke is I’m their real daddy.  And other times, people just accuse me of being a closet heterosexual with kids stashed away somewhere.

One of my baby’s mamas (We’ll call her Hot Mama) came over to visit today for an alumni reunion meeting.  We looked through old yearbooks as a guide to figure out who would be likely to come to our reunion.  It was fun.  I pointed out a few guys I had crushed on and wondered where they were.  Much like the main character in Lazarus, Adrian Collins, I have had many crushes on many boys over a long period of time. It is only recently that I haven’t had a serious one.

Hot Mama asked me if I had been dating anyone.  The answer was no.  I guess you could say that I had a date earlier in the winter when I entertained a guy who was otherwise occupied in the intricacies of his own life.  It didn’t go anywhere, nor should it have.  And before then, it had been a year since I’d gone on a date.

I don’t feel single.  I generally feel fulfilled and accomplished and I don’t have a desire for children.  Yes, I get lonely and some nights it’s worse than others.  But it is not a chronic loneliness.  Recurring.  Acute.  But not chronic.

For some reason, I got out one of my Georgetown yearbooks and flipped it open to the [sport redacted] page.  I paused.  No, it wasn’t a pause.  It was a full stop.  And this wave of euphoria just came over me.  Hot Mama noticed it immediately.

“Well who the hell is that?” she asked.

“This right here…..this is the face that launched three novels.”

I’m of the opinion that most great works of fiction start with the question “What if?”

I won’t describe him here.  I won’t tell you the sport he played.  I won’t tell you anything else, really.

The events of Lazarus and Covenant and Epiphany are completely fictitious.  They really are.  But the people whose faces inspired the characters…the men whose eyebrows and noses and cheekbones…..and their walks and their smells and their smiles….. those guys are real.

Over the years, they became other people.  “Adrian” became Adrian.  He had his own story to tell and he chose me to tell it.  “Savion” became Savion, and he used me to share with you the anguish of being unlucky in love, to be misunderstood as clingy and stubborn when all he wanted was his enchanted love.  And “Isaiah” became Isaiah, passionate, loyal, humble, and flawed.  And he used me as the medium to let you know the depth and breadth of his love for Adrian.

The aesthetic inspirations for these characters have all gone on to other, better things I suppose.  From time to time, I encounter them and feel lucky to have known them then, and grateful to know them now.  I support who they are.  I celebrate who they became.  And I’m thankful for what they gave me, for as a 19 year old Sophomore at Georgetown, my “Savion” and my “Isaiah” were the seeds to my “what ifs.”  Those seeds became a play, first called “Behind Closed Door” then “Discretion” about a fraternity man and a varsity basketball player.  And then my characters said no, tell the whole story, and tell it right.  And I gave birth to Lazarus, and the characters didn’t even look like the seeds anymore.  And then came Covenant and then came Epiphany, and the next thing you know it’s over a decade later and my babies didn’t remotely look, talk, or sound like their inspirations anymore.

My “what ifs” became “what is.”  My crushes became “what was.”

My crushes launched three novels.  Imagine what my loves will launch.

Filed Under: Diary, Writing

An update for the facebook and twitter-less

March 14, 2012 by Rashid

It’s a beautiful morning here in the nation’s capital and unfortunately I am at home, eating oatmeal and trying to nurse myself back to health after an overnight migraine and subsequent upset stomach.  But I figured it would be a good time to pay some attention to my often neglected diary.

My diary (I have rarely called it a blog) used to be the hot shit back in 2004-2007.  To this day, people ask me why I don’t write in it like I used to.  One brother of Alpha recently gave me the kindest, sweetest text message ever, telling me that he had so much respect for me before he crossed because he kept up with my life through my diary.  That respect carried over when we finally met face to face and became friends.  I honestly either never knew he was a “fan” of my diary, or I didn’t understand then the weight that it held for people.

Now, I get it.

When you’re in a fraternity like Alpha, you will encounter dozens, if not hundreds of men, old and young, who join because of the status they wrongly predict it will bring them.  Yes, being an Alpha carries weight in certain circles.  In DC, I think being a member of an NPHC fraternity or sorority means something to most people of color here, and even among some white people.

But the weight means nothing if you have expectations of it.  It’s sort of like being a Georgetown graduate.  I might say, for shits and giggles, that I went to Georgetown *hair flip* and anything else is beneath me.  But that’s just for fun.  I actually don’t expect any perks from being a Georgetown grad and I am surprised when I get them, be it a closer look in the hiring process for a job, or being able to connect with alumni from our peer institutions more quickly, like Syracuse, Duke, Stanford, and Johns Hopkins.

Being an Alpha, to me, was never about the heft of the honor.  It was about the brotherhood.  In other words:

  • Membership in Alpha is a responsibility: paying dues, showing up for meetings and programs, doing service, going to conventions.
  • Brotherhood in Alpha is a courtesy:  giving someone the benefit of the doubt, a second look, a helping hand.
  • Friendship in Alpha is another matter entirely.

On tomorrow, I will have been an Alpha for nine years.  For most of those years, I have been a member.  I do not feel badly about the years in which I was inactive.  For all of those years, I have been a brother.  And to perhaps less than twenty, or even less than ten Alphas, I have been a friend.

When you’ve been through the things I’ve been through as a member, you tend to keep the circle small.  For the long-term readers of my original site, you will recall the things that fellow members have done to me which were disrespectful and repugnant.  My friends know even more.  But somehow, I always made time to be there for an aspirant or two, as a sponsor, special, or just a friend.  And I’ve been lucky to meet more recent initiates who gravitate toward me when they see me in Alpha-only forums giving some ignorant, homophobic Alpha a good dressing down.  (A read, if you will.)  I suppose they see in me an “I don’t give a fuck” attitude that they find entertaining, or maybe courageous.  I don’t know.  Maybe I will ask.

I know what Alpha says about being active.  I know what I was taught about being active.  And I understand that my presence is missed when I am not around, at least to some, sometimes.  But ultimately, for me, being an Alpha meant being somebody’s brother for the first time – to extend certain courtesies to strangers because I knew we shared the same values, and to perhaps have those courtesies be extended to me.

Over the years, I have made it my point to share news about Black fraternal organizations, positive and negative.  I’ve discussed hazing in particular an awful lot – it made its way into my novels and unfortunately has not subsided over the years.  I’m hoping that one day, Lazarus can be looked at as a relic from the past and our children can read it – with horror – and wonder why generations of black men and women subjected ourselves to the brutality.

But perhaps more importantly, I have also posted about various allegations of wrong-doing on the part of the leadership of African American fraternities and sororities.  Indeed, since the publication of Lazarus, there have been three scandals involving NPHC leaders that I’ve discussed.  I care because I have strong convictions regarding the black fraternal commitment to the public and how we earn the public’s trust.  I will not be shying away from discussing any public allegations which may befall even my own beloved APhiA.

Don’t get me wrong.  I am not Mo’Kelly.  I will not be doing any investigative journalism or original reporting.  But I do believe I need to be fair as a diarist and pundit of fraternal matters.  What’s good for the sorors is good for the frat, even my own.

I will be committed to a tone which is temperate.  I will approach any matter discussed with dignity and in the interest of the public’s trust and faith in our organizations.  We are here to serve them, not each other or ourselves.  I understand the responsibility of my diary: to be authentic in my truth and honest in my opinions.  These truths and opinions were not a deterrent for those interested in Alpha and not distasteful to those who support Alpha.  It has been proven that the brotherhood needs strong dissension – which in and of itself is part of self-examination.  And I do believe the public appreciates us more when we show we’re real people with diverse ideas and strong opinions about ethics and values.

On a final note, my third novel, Epiphany, has a story line which interweaves some of the issues I’ve mentioned above.  There is a chapter advisor whom the boys are not sure has their best interests at heart.  But you’ve got to read it yourself to see in which direction the story is taken.  I think you’ll enjoy it, aside from the great main plot.

So thanks for your support over the years!  Don’t forget that my books are all available through my website, oldgoldsoul.com (which you’re probably reading this entry on), Amazon, and pretty much any bookstore on special order.  My novels are also available on Kindle readers and through Kindle apps – which means you can read my novels on your Kindle, any computer, and even your cell phone.

Have a great day…see y’all around!

Filed Under: Diary, Fraternalism, Writing Tagged With: alpha phi alpha

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