Rashid

I Can’t Trust White Men: #SAEhatesme

March 9, 2015 by Rashid

Black people can tell if a white person is the type who says nigger when he thinks no one is watching. We know and we warn others about you. –Me, on Facebook last night.

Over the weekend, a story emerged about a chapter of Sigma Alpha Epsilon which was suspended due to racist behavior which was caught on film. For what it’s worth, I was impressed with the swift response from SAE’s National President Brad Cohen, who said “They will be dealt with.”

And dealt with they were. Chapter closed, members evicted from the house, and expulsions are sure to follow. Mr. Cohen’s response doesn’t seem to be the standard response of corporate embarrassment and brand protection. It seems to be genuine disgust. I appreciate that and I wish more fraternal leaders could be trusted to have similar responses.

But the problem is that white people are racist and I can not trust a white person I don’t know to not be racist.

My lack of trust in white people (men in particular) is not unfounded. It is not unreasonable. It is based in the reality of a racist and patriarchal society that was not designed for black excellence. These young men on this bus already have all the privilege in the world. It wasn’t enough to just be white in a space affirming of whiteness. They had to affirm their superiority and their exclusionary beliefs.

Thankfully there was at least one subversive person on the bus who filmed and shared it.

Anyway…

I am glad that the #SAEhatesme movement has begun on social media, but I hope people understand that this is not solely about Sigma Alpha Epsilon. This is about any institution of all-white (on some campuses) or mainly white (on many campuses) people that gets to decide their own membership. When picking a pledge class, a chapter may not be chanting about never taking a nigger, but what’s going on inside them when they do vote? Are they challenging themselves about why they are voting no on a candidate? Are they really checking their privilege?

Further, are they asking themselves why people of color are not rushing their chapters in the first place?

Do they know that we don’t trust them to do right by us?

I am a Brother of Alpha Phi Omega, one of the most happy-go-lucky fraternal organizations on the planet, and even in our own existence, there have been chapters which have donned black face and had jungle-themed fundraisers. Although this was decades ago, it is definitely documented in our national newsletter.

No institution of white people is immune to racism. But ultimately, my mistrust of white people is not my problem because it is not steeped in racism. It is an evidence-based emotion, signed in the blood of Mike Brown and Eric Garner, with a bullet as the exclamation point. It is on film. It is in print. I don’t trust a white person to not call me nigger behind closed doors.

This is a white person’s problem, not mine. I’m good. I don’t have work to do. White people do. In the words of Olivia Pope:

Earn me. Earn my trust. Show me that you won’t lynch me. Show me that you will teach your boys not to shoot me. Show me that you want me in your fraternities and your country clubs.

Until then… just leave me alone.

1987

March 9, 2015 by Rashid

Post by Stephanie T. Sutton-Johnson.

Tarot Tuesday: Is this year THE year?

February 3, 2015 by Rashid

A friend wanted to know about her relationship prospects over the next year. She and I talk about this sort of thing all the time, but she wanted to know what the cards would say with some detail: the who, the how, the when. I drew the Page of Wands.

I told the friend that based on this card, she would meet a man who was young, but established and successful. He is confident and emotional—not a weak sort of emotional, but a fiery sort. In the back of my head, I was thinking “Sounds like a Cancer man, probably.”

Then my mind wandered a bit to an episode of The Real World (as it always does) and this kind of man came up:

Yes, fiery.

Anyway, after we talked it out, she confided that a man fitting this description was already on the horizon! I hadn’t known about this guy and her reading confirmed that she was on the proper trajectory. Still, I told her to be on the lookout–just because the man she was talking to fit the description so far didn’t mean there wasn’t a similar model coming off the assembly line just for her.

If you would like your own tarot reading with even more detail, send me a message. The price is right and we’ll have a great time!

Writing into the Abyss: Where Depression and Creativity Intersect

January 22, 2015 by Rashid

I sit in front of my laptop, or my desktop, or on a throwback day, with pen in hand and spiral pad underneath. I try to write. Some days I am successful. Many days I am not.

There are two books that I want to work on, am working on, will work on. One should be easy. It’s already mapped out in my head and outlined on paper. The other is more challenging, but I know I want it to be good.

My life is not where I want it to be by a long shot. I have not reached the level of success or notoriety that I had hoped to have by the age of 35. I look back on what I have accomplished and I see four novels and a book of poetry. I understand. I possess the knowledge that I have done more than what many writers have done in entire careers. I understand that five books is a good thing.

But having the knowledge is not the same as feeling successful. I write and I publish and the people say it’s good and they immediately want another, not understanding that I have put years of my life into a work that they finished in a weekend, in a day, sometimes even just one long night. I give everything and more is desired right away.

With every new book comes the dread of following it up with another good book. I don’t know that I can. I never think that I can.

I feel, sometimes, that it’s all for nothing. I am a success, but I don’t feel successful.

They want more books, but they don’t know what I have to go through to get there.

It is dark where I am. My eyes are wide open but I can’t see a thing. I know I have to go to Tartarus alone and claim what belongs to me.

I take the first step and the panic already creeps over me, but I continue in spite of the sweat that has drenched me almost immediately. I am afraid that I will swallow my tongue, that I will stop breathing, that I will die on the spot. But I don’t, in spite of a racing heart and spinning head.

I descend further and further into the abyss for days, months, years, searching for my prize. I know it is here. It is always here. My greatest creativity has always been housed in my greatest pain. I cannot leave until I retrieve it.

I finally hit the basement level of my descent and all around me are the demons I have been avoiding. I have to acknowledge them in order to pass. They demand it.

My own doubts. My own fears. They screech beside me begging for attention. I ignore them and go deeper.

The mentor who betrayed me time and again. The father who doesn’t love me. Fathers and father figures alike grabbing at my shoulders to hold me back. I break free. I break through.

I see authoritarians there. You supervised me into submission. You bossed me into victimhood. You signed my checks but you couldn’t sign my life. I vanquish you, too. I go deeper.

I see the men. I see the ones who loved me wrong. I see the ones I loved. I see the ones who inspired poems:

i was born in diana’s tide with a caul over my third eye

And I see the ones who are the reason that I haven’t written more than two poems in the past decade. I pretend as though I feel more comfortable with fiction but the truth is I feel too broken to write poetry.

And even the ones I still love are there, compassing me about. I break free.

I see me. I see body image. I see someone who doesn’t feel worth it. I see an utter lack of hope, a vision of a future that is not there, in which I have not been remembered. I am dust.

And there, just beyond the nihilism, just one more step beyond the limits of my odyssey, it is there:

The next novel.

That is what it is like to write. Every single novel.

I cannot write until things are right. Every time I sit down to work on something, practically everything, even this blog post, I feel like I am going back to Hell to confront all of my demons all at once. I feel short of breath and I give up to work on other things that make me happy and give me some meaning.

I know that being a writer is my destiny and my gift to the world, but I can’t always do it. This, in spite of the many people who ask me when the next book will be out. If I could make a living on my writing, I would write three a year. But I cannot live in the abyss in order to do that.

This is not writer’s block. This is depression.

I will beat it someday.

Street Photography in DC

January 21, 2015 by Rashid

Earlier this week while running errands, I brought my camera along with me. I am trying to get in the habit of being ready for anything when it comes to capturing moments both important and mundane. I didn’t think any of these photos were particularly stunning, but I was glad to get the practice.

Here is my entire street photography album. The newer ones are toward the end.

Tarot Tuesday: Is she an obstacle?

January 20, 2015 by Rashid

A friend had a special inquiry about an endeavor she was embarking upon. She’s very active in her community, church, and is a busy career woman. She’s currently starting a massive project that will require support from many areas of her life. She wanted to know what was on the mind and in the heart of a specific colleague who had the ability to say yes or no to a request.

I drew the Three of Cups. I immediately had a positive reaction in my heart, but as a skeptic, I delved deeper and listened to what the universe was trying to tell me.

My friend’s endeavor would be a success, but why? And why was she having trouble in these starting stages?

Well, I looked at the three women on this card as the three women who would bring the success: the workers, represented by the woman in red; the supporters, represented by the woman in white; and the leader, the woman in gold and white. All women are necessary, all women helped, all women celebrated, but only one brought the grapes! She is the leader and she wants what’s best for you, but give her time to get this thing figured out so she can determine the best way to support.

This was a fun read and I enjoyed coaching my friend through this issue as she continues on the path to greatness!

If you would like a more detailed reading, they’re only $45! Contact me through my tarot page today!